Yesterday was a full day here. Poppie took the girls to basket ball before 9. I decided at 9:30ish to walk in and watch. It is about 2 miles to the school from the house, the day was lovely and the walk was nice, if slow, as I have not walked for awhile. I got there and made the girls quite happy at my arrival. I was happier later that I had got to see them play as as it turned out they didn't get to go to the game later. I had the car and Mokie was not home to take them, I was sorry for their loss. Poppie has promised to take them to shoot hops later at the school grounds. They are soothed and can't wait to compete, with dad, and each other.
Lady and I were early for BBFC, to get things straightened out and ready before volunteer time. It was a good thing, the room was set for a meeting or a banquet, maybe it was both. We got the tables put away and the room ready to go. We had one lady show up a bit later. We were all talking about whether we would have baskets or not. I said I knew the Lord would provide them, though we did bring sacks just in case. The lady, I will call her, Caseworker, she does that in her real life, was not sure and felt stuffing bags together the better plan. I told her she should be supporting my prayers, and she said it would make me prayer better if she was thinking different than I was. In the end my prayers were answered, God did provide, and the baskets were on the truck. I knew they would be. The truck was a little late, he had had to be two places at once prior to us but in the end all produce got unloaded, distributed to the baskets and pickup time went well. We had one little hitch but in the end it all worked out well and all the baskets ended up where they were supposed to go and all were happy with their produce.
The girls and I went to the store before I went to baskets and since I messed up and didn't get my citrus pack ordered we checked on oranges at the store. They are not the marmalade ones that we were to get, but they are on sale so, Booboo and I got oranges and lemons, to make up for that they aren't the sour marmalade oranges, to make marmalade with. We are going to let the tomatoes ripen a few days before we can them. So marmalade today. We are going to use the meat slicer to cut the citrus so the we get it extra thin. It should make for a nice mix, and we are using Martha's recipe. Wish us luck.
I talked to a lady about piano lesson's for Booboo, Yogie is not interested in the least. The beloved music teacher, that just passed on to glory, had just spoken to Booboo about having lesson's in either piano or guitar, as he thought she had an aptitude for it, just before his passing. She will always remember his encouragement, he meant a lot to her. She is especially loving of teachers, I think, because she so wants to be one when she grows up. The world will be a better place if she succeeds. I hope to do everything I can to help her accomplish her dream.
Off to Church today, Pianist and Texas ordered a basket and a guacamole pack so we will get to see how they liked them. I hope you have a day of rest and the Lord blesses your Sunday. The best day of the week we get to praise the Lord in an assembly of called out people, Church..... tomorrow.
The day to day living of a family on a rural Montana hobby farm, stories of goats, piglets, sourdough bread making, cheese making, soap making and the general raising of two little girls, their three older adult siblings, and the loving of our 10 grandkids. The story of a 36 year marriage with it's ups and downs. We worship God with reverence and are truly blessed for being his beloved children.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Saturday, February 2, 2013
There is a always a reason but never an excuse....
Poppie and I were both broken people when we married. My mom has been a broken person since March of 1965, the day her parents were killed in a car wreck on their way to my Grandma Thelma's dad's funeral. They were killed in a car accident in a freak snowstorm in late March, they were kill on a terrible pass in Washington State, I think Stephens but it could have been Snowqualamee. I was only 4 and a half. I do remember the last moment I saw my Grandmother Thelma. I had begged to go see them, before they left, so we had stopped by to say good bye, what a blessing to have gotten to, we did not know however that it would be a forever goodbye. I remember her standing in the doorway waving. She was a lovely red headed woman, she was just 40. I regret no knowing her really at all. My mother was never the same, I know very little about her but the occasional because my mom doesn't, and never did, really talk of her to any length. My mom is not a minute more mature than the moment of her mothers death. My mom is and will ever be stuck right there. I know to most of you that she is a lot of things, to a lot of people, but she is that lost girl of 23 when it comes down to the brass tax. An almost twenty four year old that got robbed of her beloved parents can have a lot of anger, issues and when frozen forever they tend to permeate other peoples lives. It is not and excuse but it is the reason. Oh, that someone had been able to help her become the woman she could have been, oh that some one could have helped her go on, and oh I wish she would let someone do it still, but alas you can not help some one unwilling to be helped. I learned that in Helpline training, and I guess from life.
Poppie's mom has her own issues. She came home one day when Poppie was 4 months old found her husband, that she had know and loved for only 13 months, in bed with another woman. She left, and took Poppie, I know she longed for her love to come after her and say he loved her and beg her to come home. He never did and she never got a moment older. She loved him from afar until the day he died. She lead and leads a sorrowful existence, she lives for what could have been and has made horrible choices for herself and her children. Poppie endured a horrible amount of abuse because of her choices. He did have a small reprieve in living with his grandparents until they both died when he was around ten. They were both nearly 80 and had had little patience with a small child but they loved him more than anyone else in his life so they were his blessing. They passed and Poppie got to go live with his step-dad, and that was devastating it is only by God's grace that he survived the 6 years he lived with them. Thank God that he got to escape to Job Corp when he was 16. It is not an excuse but it is the reason.
Poppie and I came to each other with a lot of baggage, as do most couples, but it wasn't the normal ones of a couple of 19 year olds. I was angry and had not idea that I even was or why. Poppie was so afraid of showing any anger ever he had bottled it up and put it way down deep inside of him. Anger would have gotten him killed and lying helped him survive. Neither excuses but the reasons.
Poppie struggled for years with lying, it was hard on our marriage, but Poppies biggest fear would be that he would hit someone, me or the kids, and he knew what being hit was like. He never did, not once, but finally when the mill closed, a devastation and a blessing, he learned how to be angry. He spent about a year and a half, in self pity, drinking, lost and very angry. The last time he was really anger, he was drinking and something set him off, he threw a plate threw a window, threw food all over the floor, and as he walked out the door he put his fist through the antique door window that he had bought especially for me. He wanted me to know he was anger. Once he calmed down, sobered up, we had a talk. I told him I was glad he was angry, and that he should have gotten to be angry as a kids but he was 33 with a wife and kids that needed him. It was time to grow up, get over it and get on with his life. I could not change his past, and he got screwed when it came to parents and situations, but he had to make a choice to live his life and not live his past. Not and excuse but the reason. He is, and has been, a wonderful man ever since, doesn't drink, and doesn't even smoke anymore..... He is the reason not the excuse.
I am still a work in progress, I spent my twenties in anger, my thirties in depression and my kids paid the price for my failures. I was an okay mother but I fell so short in so many levels, but I think that might be a hindsight thought a lot of mother have. I gave up novels in 1997, they weren't the reason but they were my escape and excuse, I was and am an addict and will never read one again. I joined the helpline in my 40's cut the abscess of my sexually abuse and learned that it was part of my past, I survived and it no longer held any hold over me and the sharing of it made it no longer have any power over me. It was such a blessing to share with people. These were all my excuses, and maybe some of my reason, but I had learned that being open and honest helped me to cut the pain out of my life. I am still cutting the pain from my past life out, I write to you, and you unfortunately, have to be my suave. You individually are not important in my recovery but you as a whole let me give up the pain. You are not my reason, you are not even my excuse but between you and God I have an ear that lets me speak and heal. I am now so much closer to being all I can be, I am not where I need to be but I am surely on my way. God bless the pain that creates us and God bless the healing that we become... tomorrow.
Poppie's mom has her own issues. She came home one day when Poppie was 4 months old found her husband, that she had know and loved for only 13 months, in bed with another woman. She left, and took Poppie, I know she longed for her love to come after her and say he loved her and beg her to come home. He never did and she never got a moment older. She loved him from afar until the day he died. She lead and leads a sorrowful existence, she lives for what could have been and has made horrible choices for herself and her children. Poppie endured a horrible amount of abuse because of her choices. He did have a small reprieve in living with his grandparents until they both died when he was around ten. They were both nearly 80 and had had little patience with a small child but they loved him more than anyone else in his life so they were his blessing. They passed and Poppie got to go live with his step-dad, and that was devastating it is only by God's grace that he survived the 6 years he lived with them. Thank God that he got to escape to Job Corp when he was 16. It is not an excuse but it is the reason.
Poppie and I came to each other with a lot of baggage, as do most couples, but it wasn't the normal ones of a couple of 19 year olds. I was angry and had not idea that I even was or why. Poppie was so afraid of showing any anger ever he had bottled it up and put it way down deep inside of him. Anger would have gotten him killed and lying helped him survive. Neither excuses but the reasons.
Poppie struggled for years with lying, it was hard on our marriage, but Poppies biggest fear would be that he would hit someone, me or the kids, and he knew what being hit was like. He never did, not once, but finally when the mill closed, a devastation and a blessing, he learned how to be angry. He spent about a year and a half, in self pity, drinking, lost and very angry. The last time he was really anger, he was drinking and something set him off, he threw a plate threw a window, threw food all over the floor, and as he walked out the door he put his fist through the antique door window that he had bought especially for me. He wanted me to know he was anger. Once he calmed down, sobered up, we had a talk. I told him I was glad he was angry, and that he should have gotten to be angry as a kids but he was 33 with a wife and kids that needed him. It was time to grow up, get over it and get on with his life. I could not change his past, and he got screwed when it came to parents and situations, but he had to make a choice to live his life and not live his past. Not and excuse but the reason. He is, and has been, a wonderful man ever since, doesn't drink, and doesn't even smoke anymore..... He is the reason not the excuse.
I am still a work in progress, I spent my twenties in anger, my thirties in depression and my kids paid the price for my failures. I was an okay mother but I fell so short in so many levels, but I think that might be a hindsight thought a lot of mother have. I gave up novels in 1997, they weren't the reason but they were my escape and excuse, I was and am an addict and will never read one again. I joined the helpline in my 40's cut the abscess of my sexually abuse and learned that it was part of my past, I survived and it no longer held any hold over me and the sharing of it made it no longer have any power over me. It was such a blessing to share with people. These were all my excuses, and maybe some of my reason, but I had learned that being open and honest helped me to cut the pain out of my life. I am still cutting the pain from my past life out, I write to you, and you unfortunately, have to be my suave. You individually are not important in my recovery but you as a whole let me give up the pain. You are not my reason, you are not even my excuse but between you and God I have an ear that lets me speak and heal. I am now so much closer to being all I can be, I am not where I need to be but I am surely on my way. God bless the pain that creates us and God bless the healing that we become... tomorrow.
Friday, February 1, 2013
The Symphony, grands, heartburn, crs.... you know the norm.
Yogie and Dimples are off on a field trip today. It is actually a day off from school but their wonderful teacher has scheduled a field trip, all that are going volunteered to go. She normally takes her class on field trip annually, for a special symphony day, but this year it fell on a day off from school. She went out of her way to make sure those that wanted to go enjoy a special trip to see the symphony, something most of them haven't experienced, get to go. They will be having pizza on the field trip as well, but I think it is the kindness of their teacher and the music they will remember the most.
I will be home with all of Mokie's kids, and Booboo. She will be a blessing for me today. Yesterday Yogie went with Mokie to go feed rabbits and Booboo and Dimples stayed home to feed rabbitis here. The two of them have rabbits as their 4-h project. There is no project leader so I have to step up and help them work through it here at home. I think I have to help Yogie in the same manner with her goat project. I do believe there is a pig project leader so Yogie and Booboo will attend those, but I will have to make up the difference for the three in rabbits and goats. I digress. Anyway, Booboo wanted to help Bug make dinner, as he secretly didn't want the goat stew I made and since is wasn't quite done and Poppie was a little sick I agreed, he volunteered to make polish dogs and homemade french fries. Booboo was so excited to help him but he wanted to wait until Yogie got home, Booboo entertained Dimples while Yogie was gone. Alas, when Yogie arrived Bug was tired of the girls and decided he only wanted to work with one of them, he mistakenly assumed Dimples was Booboo guest so shooed them out of the kitchen and insisted Yogie help him, she doesn't like to cook all that much, except with mom, and didn't want to but Bug would have none of it. So the one who wanted to help her brother lost out, the one who didn't want to help was testy and the brother was clueless. I guess you never can fix everything and you shouldn't try if the fixee is an adult that is not listening. Fries made, girls feed and Nannie had heartburn all night. Imagine that, fried food, mustard and ketchup all on the normal heartburn list, oh to have been able to eat the lovely goat stew. Today they all eat goat stew and maybe my heartburn will got away.
I have all three grands today, Bubbles is sucking her bottle all cuddled up to me now, her mom dropped her off. Boy and Cubbie will arrive when their dad drops them off, Cubbie will be going to pre-school with her mom at 10 so that is great. I will have to deal with Boy and I hope Booboo will help me out with that. He has been especially continuous this week, and the last couple weeks come to think of it, maybe it is just the winter blues I really don't know but I do not look forward to naughty boys. I think it will be nice enough for him to be outside part of the day so that is a blessing.
I think maybe, just maybe I will get to have some time with Booboo so we can make an fresh apple cake and maybe that will soothe her slightly from last night. We are going to make canned tomatoes this coming week from the tomatoes we ordered from BBFC. We were to make marmalade but I am not the brightest bulb in the pack and messed the ordering of the citrus up so bad I don't see it on the check out sheets. Now, I think I have to put in for a credit form, I guess I had to sometime but didn't think it would be for myself. Say la vee, I hope the Lord blesses you with his best for you today, I know that he does every day but it is never wrong to pray for blessings, while praising... tomorrow.
I will be home with all of Mokie's kids, and Booboo. She will be a blessing for me today. Yesterday Yogie went with Mokie to go feed rabbits and Booboo and Dimples stayed home to feed rabbitis here. The two of them have rabbits as their 4-h project. There is no project leader so I have to step up and help them work through it here at home. I think I have to help Yogie in the same manner with her goat project. I do believe there is a pig project leader so Yogie and Booboo will attend those, but I will have to make up the difference for the three in rabbits and goats. I digress. Anyway, Booboo wanted to help Bug make dinner, as he secretly didn't want the goat stew I made and since is wasn't quite done and Poppie was a little sick I agreed, he volunteered to make polish dogs and homemade french fries. Booboo was so excited to help him but he wanted to wait until Yogie got home, Booboo entertained Dimples while Yogie was gone. Alas, when Yogie arrived Bug was tired of the girls and decided he only wanted to work with one of them, he mistakenly assumed Dimples was Booboo guest so shooed them out of the kitchen and insisted Yogie help him, she doesn't like to cook all that much, except with mom, and didn't want to but Bug would have none of it. So the one who wanted to help her brother lost out, the one who didn't want to help was testy and the brother was clueless. I guess you never can fix everything and you shouldn't try if the fixee is an adult that is not listening. Fries made, girls feed and Nannie had heartburn all night. Imagine that, fried food, mustard and ketchup all on the normal heartburn list, oh to have been able to eat the lovely goat stew. Today they all eat goat stew and maybe my heartburn will got away.
I have all three grands today, Bubbles is sucking her bottle all cuddled up to me now, her mom dropped her off. Boy and Cubbie will arrive when their dad drops them off, Cubbie will be going to pre-school with her mom at 10 so that is great. I will have to deal with Boy and I hope Booboo will help me out with that. He has been especially continuous this week, and the last couple weeks come to think of it, maybe it is just the winter blues I really don't know but I do not look forward to naughty boys. I think it will be nice enough for him to be outside part of the day so that is a blessing.
I think maybe, just maybe I will get to have some time with Booboo so we can make an fresh apple cake and maybe that will soothe her slightly from last night. We are going to make canned tomatoes this coming week from the tomatoes we ordered from BBFC. We were to make marmalade but I am not the brightest bulb in the pack and messed the ordering of the citrus up so bad I don't see it on the check out sheets. Now, I think I have to put in for a credit form, I guess I had to sometime but didn't think it would be for myself. Say la vee, I hope the Lord blesses you with his best for you today, I know that he does every day but it is never wrong to pray for blessings, while praising... tomorrow.
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