Friday, September 30, 2011

Pre-school to visit, last hurrah of summer, and feeling much better, first time in months.

Sister's symptoms lead the Doctors to find that she has GERD with VCD and since so much of her symptoms were like mine I looked them up.  Our dad has GERD as well, so it is in the family history.  I was amazed to find that the symptoms were like mine so I decided to try the OTC medicines that help.  It was amazing I had almost immediate relief.  It was amazing how the cough started to recede and I could begin to breath.  I am happy to finally know what has been causing my COPD like symptoms.  I have had asthma like symptoms for years and bronchitis on occasion ever since I began carving 15 years ago.  I am fully aware I will probably still have these especially in the winter or if I carve heavy but the cough and wheezing had been new to symptoms for over the last 18 months.  I am so glad that I am getting relief. 

Today is the to be the last hurrah of summer, it is to be in the 80's and then into the 50's next week.  We are going to go get more fire wood tomorrow. One last nice day in the woods, not the last day of wood getting but a nice one to be sure.  So many winterizing chores to get done, hope to work on the list this week end. 

The girls both love their AWANA's, which made last night a long night, they got home from that at 6 and then had to go do chores at our friends.  They got home around 7:30 and I had stayed home to make dinner so that it was not any later.  They both had reading homework after.  Booboo is reading her books and enjoying them as always. Yogie had had a lapse in her reading.  She had really loved reading with her teacher that was her first grade teacher, but she struggled alot with her 2nd grade teacher, she almost lost the love altogether.  I have been really working with her to get it back.  We began one of the Hardy Boys of old and she liked it and then I decided she could try the Little House in the Big Woods, and the love is back, she can't wait to read.  She is burning through it and looking forward to finishing the Hardy Boys once done with the Little houses.  I am getting them the series by Ingalls as they are so looking forward to reading them all.  I have a whole stack of Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew waiting for them to consume.  I am so happy to have re sparked a love that Yogie almost lost.  All of my children love to read and I so wanted her to have that joy with the others. 

Today the pre-school is to come and visit the baby piglets.  They will get to see the ones at our house which are 6 black and whites and 5 whites with spots.  Then we will take them over to Mokies to see the 10 red and white ones over there. The piggies are at the very cute but independent stage.  I guess piglets are never really needy like a human baby.  They walk, run and talk immediately and fight with a full set of teeth.  They begin eating food with mom in the first two weeks.  Of course they nurse, they are mammals, but they are the most self sufficient animals I know.  They are constantly running around chasing the goaties.  Poppie moved the water and they can no longer really get out of momma's pen.  We will be withering 14 of them this weekend.  The two momma's will not be happy with us at all.  Oh, we only have to wither 13, one is to stay a boar for the neighbors.  Today will be fun and I am better able to breath so will be able to enjoy it more.  I do love fall and now that I can exercise with out lapsing into a coughing fit I intend to enjoy it to the fullest.  I may be able to stop being sedimentary and my weight will naturally go back down as it has creeped up with the lack of being able to do anything this last 18 months.  Have a great day, I am going to...... tomorrow.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

The cycle of love has always amazed me. Loving Poppie has always been an adventure.

I vividly remember the moment in time when I meant Poppie for the first time.  He was laying all alone on the floor of a dorm room TV room.  He was the skinniest longest person I ever saw.  He had his hand folded behind his head watching the screen. We, my mom, my littlest sister at the time, and a couple of kids mom was babysitting were escorted there to wait for my dad to come get mom and the kids.  One of the kids had pulled the keys out of the ignition and it wouldn't go back in so a friend of mine, that I had joined YACC with, had had the great idea to hot wire the car, well the long and short of it is that you can't hot wire a Fiat.  So my dad had to come about 80 or so miles to rescue the car and the rest of the family.  I was to stay at YACC, it was a program with the forest service that helped youths between 16 and 24 learn a vocation.  Reagan cut it in 1980 but this was late 1979 and I was there to start my life.

Poppie was quite and polite enough though the kids saw him as a jump rope and began jumping over him, he later told me he thought all those kids were mine, never did understand why we would have thought that.  He finally got tired of being the rope and left.  I was totally in love, and knew beyond a doubt he was for me.  He was so sad and skinny looking, I think I might have had puppy love don't know.  Poppie was 6'6" and weigh about 130 lbs,  a friend later tagged him with the name of Bones and it, for obvious reasons, stuck.  Dad finally showed up, they loaded up the car and they all went home.  Poppie and I went on our first date about 4 days later.  Three weeks later I took him home to meet my family and friends.

It was funny the first time I took Poppie home my family made and impression on him and he on them.  My mom had decided to have a party, but not being a drinker at the time, she had one big drink and was pretty lite and went to bed, asking for "n****r toes (Brazil nuts) as she left the room,  my brother Silver took her some.  She told him to put the  N toes on his feet and laughed and laughed.   Poppie said he could tell she didn't drink much,  I was embarrassed as I had never seen my mom do that before, neither had any of my siblings.  The next day Poppie was getting to know my dad.  They had a nice time together.  Later my dad confided in me he liked Poppie.  Poppie had said to him, "My dad's name, My name, is teaching me to fart polite".   My dad, a little shocked, said, "oh, that is nice." he never bated and eye to hurt or belittle Poppie.  My dad liked him.   Poppie came from a family that it was a proper dinner time activity to lift your leg and fart at the table, or to lift your leg and fart as you walked along.  I was so appalled that I taught him right away that nice people didn't do that.  He had no idea that you didn't, he was a quick study. 

The next time we went to visit at my home town, I started to recount the story of the farts to my friend.  Poppie simply said "don't" and I shut up like a clam.  My long time friend hated Poppie in the moment.  She had always tried to make be do things she said and I being the free spirit didn't mind her or anyone well.  I do know that that one little word probably made me truly fall in love with Poppie.  I hadn't realized that telling the story had hurt him, when he found out my dad had told me of it.  My dad hadn't meant to hurt Poppie by the telling, he had like me loved Poppie for it.  My mom told the story because she thought it was funny.  My dad just loved Poppie.   Poppie with that one little word, showed me how lonely and hurt a boy he was.  I learned all of the terrible details over the next years, but the momma bear in me knew with one little word I would protect him from anyone and on that day it was my friend.  We never had the same relationship again, but I had a new more important one; To this day I am that momma bear with my kids but mostly when you hurt "my Poppie", I can't control myself, I just fell the need to protect him from the world.

Poppie and I grew up together in many ways, we had ups and downs along the way.  I can say that I have always loved Poppie from one or both of those moments but I can't in all honest say that I have always been in love with Poppie.  What sounds like a terrible thing to say but it isn't.  I think that a good relationship is always loving and a series of falling in and out of passionate love.  I can say when I first meant PoppiePoppie anew.  I lust and go through all the stages of new love for a new reason.  I can say loving my one man is always a new adventure. I can't imagine not loving Poppie, and have never felt the need to look at another man and don't understand the need in others.  Maybe for me a life time of loves was one love and with others it isn't always, I can't really say but only guess..... tomorrow.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Doing chores for our friends, they finally got to escape. Carpets maybe, finally!

Well our friends finally got to escape and got on their camping trip.  They both had birthdays in the last couple weeks and needed the time away.  I don't actually think they know where they are going and that is half of the fun.  I told them about a great little river system and lakes about 90ish miles away and think they may just go there but who knows, life it an adventure and they enjoy theirs.  We had to go save Bug's truck on the interstate last night, he had run out of gas on the way to work.  We got the girls subway and then drove out to do the first night of chores at our friends, the long way,  13 miles one way to rescue and then return and go 13 miles the other way.  We got to see our little doe, and all the thing Poppie has been helping his friend accomplish.  They are sending two little withers home with us for food too, they are all dairy so not much meat but it will be good to have it to mix in with the other meat.  I never turn down good home grown organic meat.

I got to go to CAKLS yesterday, it was so nice to get to catch up with my friends.  Lady was busy so didn't get to join us.  Shared stories and caught up with the ladies after missing out all summer.  I do love the grand kids but missed the ladies. I had a regular deliver schedule on the way there, 3 dozen eggs, one shampoo, and soap.  Today, I have 5 bars of soap to deliver on the way to picking up the girls. I do like that my soap works so well for people, the joy of making it is that people like it. I am finding like the bar soap the liquid soaps are better with age.

I may get to do the rest of the carpets today, I know I have been threatening to do so, but today may be the day I get to but if not tomorrow will come..... Poppie will be with Bug this morning and then out doing chores for our friends, and then we will do the evening chores tonight..... tomorrow.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Chores, chores, gotta love fall, lovely weather and time slows just a little.

I got all of the wood Poppie chopped, stacked by the house. I took about an hour and half, one wheel barrow load at a time.  I had a great time.  Boy was there for moral support but since he didn't have his gloves and felt he shouldn't help.  Gotta love a child's way of thinking.  Went out to check on the baby piglets and noticed, that like on Friday, I only counted 11 but unlike on Friday there wasn't the possibility of one still being in the building, they were in the building.  One has obviously died and mom harvested the body for energy.  Probably in the first three days were just didn't count them every day.  The little guys learn how to get out of the way and mind in that time.  You wouldn't believe how much those little ones jump and do exactly what she wants them to do. One little grunt and they run to where she tells them to be or come running if she is calling them.  People who don't think pigs are intelligent and talk have never spent five minutes with a nursing sow. They are so smart I should take lessons on child rearing.  It is so cool to watch.  Mokie and I moved Lovey and Fancy to her goat pen, with both herds together for breeding they are two little to make their own way in the whole bunch.  We took the two little ones over feed them and grained them, but they cried to be with the rest, they don't know when they have it good.

I have had good feedback from my cleansing cream testers so today I make up a big batch, which by world standards is a drop in the bucket but a big batch for me.  I store it in the frig so that helps increase the shelf live until I get it to the people that like it. I also just discovered that all this time that I have been making 4 pound batches of soap. I don't know why but thought they were 4 pounds when I made up the recipe, just that they are 6 pound batches so have half again as much soap, a good thing.  I have to make up some scar cream too.  I do like the simple cleansers and creams I am making. I am glad that the people who have tired it like it as well. Lotions are a little more daunting to get right, or right by my standards.  Still working on one I like.

I may get to go to CAKLS today, I have soap to deliver, shampoo to deliver, and patterns to take to a friend.  I get to go, yay, though I do have kids this morning, but Poppie will be home in the afternoon if Mokie is not back from the dentist.  I realize I love my grand kids but having them so much this summer has been very limiting is so many ways.  I think it has even taken it's toll on the girls,  they need a little space sometimes.  They now can enjoy their cousin/nieces and nephew,  funny we never think of them as such but legally they are.  We as a family agreed cousins is fine, we are unique and can set our own standards. 

I have house work to do, art work to do, wood to chop and stack, the list goes on.  Coffee first and then the world.... tomorrow.

Monday, September 26, 2011

First full week of fall, lots to do to get ready for winter, I love autumn!!

Today we will try to conquer the many fall time chores that are in need of doing. Lots of wood to stack and some to chop, thank goodness we have an electric chopper both to old and to arthritic to do it the old fashion way any more.  The camper we didn't get to use needs to be put to bed for the winter.  A couple of Poppie's project cars need to be moved to storage area, and no Poppie can't put one of them in my goat pen, the goats would destroy it, "on yay".  Sometime Poppie is so funny. The green house is still producing tomatoes so that is a blessing. The pump house needs to be restored to it pre-new pump condition.  The pool needs to be rolled up and put into storage. The shop area where Swiss Miss Chops and little ones live needs to made ready for head start children, who are to come on Friday.  That will be so much fun, for Poppie and the little children who have never gotten to see little piglets.  We are going to have to get the little boy piglets fixed next weekend. We had an order for one little boar so that is one less to fix. We have had good interest in the piglets I think we only have 3 or 4 that aren't going to be wiener pigs or market pigs, the ones not spoken for we will raise up and sell as market pigs on craiglist or take more market pig orders.  We are going to go get a ton of grain next week.  That cuts the cost way down and we have all the feed on hand for a while.  When it is just Swiss Miss Chops, it has only taken a ton since January, with market pigs we will go through several by the time they are ready to sell. It is always better to have several pigs to feed as they compete for the food and eat better than just having one which makes for bigger pigs.  Still taking orders if interested let me know.

I was out with Booboo in her turkey pen to see if we can for sure take an accurate count of what we have.  Originally we thought we had two toms and three hens, we gave away one of the hens to Knitter for her lonely tom.  We think we have one tom and three hens, which will make for a great little flock in the spring. Booboo is hoping to sell baby turkeys or free range adult turkeys, which will be nice for her.  Yogie has her chickens.  We had a flock of 19 wild turkeys in the back yard Saturday night and Booboo took lots of photos, they looked just like her penned domestic turkeys.  It was so much fun for her to get to interact with them. We are going to get them rabbits in the spring and raise them and butcher young adults for meat.  It is the most economical meat you can raise.  They will love their bunnys and I will have to learn to kill and butcher, Poppie refuses to do the deed and has left that to me, so I will step up and do it.  We are going to keep two piglets for ourselves one to raise as a second sow and one to butcher.  We are going to keep two females so we can have an options to choose which will be the better breeding female and then butcher the other.  We think that the little one, that is mostly black, will be the one we will keep in the long run as the sow, the other we are keeping is a larger female that looks to be a nice meat piglet.  We are tentatively naming the one Blackie.   I think people that don't live with the animals on a daily basis think we are cruel but we are not.  We are raising the girl to know where their food comes from and have respect for the animals that give their all to that purposes. We love our animals and allow them to get closer to the ones that aren't food but breeding stock, we respecting and take care of the ones that are to be food and make the girls aware from the beginning that they are food so they can have a little buffer to the animals eventual harvest. 

Today is the first day to the rest of our lives, as is ever day, but it is a day to begin anew and write something special on your new page of life........... tomorrow.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Sunday morning quiet always a time of reflection for me. Poppie collecting prep slop.

Poppie managed to get his trailer home last night. It was a slow trip as they didn't want to lose the trailer off of the dolly's.  They arrived home just after dark,  Mokie had bought burger for all us which was a nice surprise.  Poppie was beat and is going to try and hibernate today.  Bug tried to get him to take the trailer to a friend of his so they could fix it.  Poppie was glad that the dolly tires had gone flat over night and the couldn't or didn't have to move it today. Poppie had to go down to pick up the slop he gets for the local restaurant.  We don't get the slops from the left over food from the people, we get the left overs of the prep food.  We don't get meat from them either, it is very nice that the owner sorts it out so nicely for us.  On the way down Poppie is going to stop at Bug's to drop off his plasma cutter.

Bug bought Poppie a special gift this week the sang to his heart.  It was a replacement for an special item Poppie had when Bug was 3 and had taken it outside and left it in the rain.  It was ruined and couldn't be repaired.  I guess Bug had been looking for the item for about 5 years and just found one that a friend had gotten.  He made a deal for it for Poppie,  it was a special item then for Poppie but now the replaced on is priceless, and a private memento for Poppie so I will let him keep his personal gift from his son, just that personal.  He is sometime so impressed by his son, and doesn't realize that the special person he sees in his son is himself.  He see the bosterious part of his son alot and doesn't always gel with him, that would be the me he sees in his son.  That is actually funny on so many levels.

This morning I was thinking back to a time in my early twenties.  It was probably the most memorable sermon I ever heard.  I was not necessarily the most needful or most important but it just set in my mind and has never left me as no other sermon ever has.  The Preacher was a visiting preacher to our little Church.  I think maybe he was practising his skills on our little congregation.  There was a period in time where the Church from Zootown sent young aspiring preachers down to help us and give them face time in front of Church goers on a smaller scale than theirs.  We were blessed to have had them.  The young man was maybe in his early thirties, I would guess.  He was quiet and unsure in his mannerisms but when he got up to speak, the Lord truly entered his words and he came alive. 

He spoke to us of the old and new testaments.  The sermon actually started in the usual ways of the comparisons of the two and the differences.  He then began to speak a parable of sorts.  He said there was this young woman who married a stern older man.  The man was very controlling and a harsh task master.  Daily when he went to work he set his young bride to a long on a hard list of things she must accomplish before his return in the evening.  She struggled daily to accomplish the list of the things she must do, they were so hard and so much the law of her life, she often fell short of the task she was set to do.  Her failures brought the wrath of her husband down on her often.   She struggled daily and feared her husband.  It came to pass that her husband died and she was left with out his influence in her life. She soon found the love of her live and remarried.  She lead a happy and loving live with her new and beloved husband.  Years after her life with her new husband had begun she was happily cleaning the attic of her home.  She came up on the dreaded daily list of all she was to accomplish at the bottom of a forgotten box.  She read it over slowly remembering the apprehension and fear that the list had once caused her.  She slowly began to laugh and feel such joy at the reading of the list.  She realized that the dread list, that had caused her such turmoil and discontent, was only a portion of the things she did daily in her home for her new husband.  She did all the things on it and much more happily all the time.  She realized that for love she had gone well beyond the old requirements and that she craved to work harder for her life and her husband.  The Preached ended by saying that was the essence of the difference between the old testament and the new testament.  That for love of Christ and the Lord we now choice to do more for our Lord than when were were under the old law. 

This sermon has always spoken to me,  I don't know or can't remember the speakers name.  But it has always made me know that the love of God is so much more powerful than the fear of God and the old law.  That the new testament calls us to do so much more for God but it is for love and not fear. I do so love the Lord and fall short of the mark, on a daily bases, when I am asked to fear him..... tomorrow. 

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Wood hauled, trailer accident and a fun day away with the kids and grandkids.

We got up bright and early this morning and escaped to go harvest more firewood for the up coming winter. It is supposed to be long, cold and lots of snow.  We were only about three miles up the mountain road when our back trailer tire flew off into the woods and the trailer dropped on the the road with a jolt.  Mokie, I guess, had been honking her horn to try and get us to stop but over the nosie of the road we didn't hear her.  We ask why she didn't flash her light, she didn't think of it but Boy had, just a little to late.  The axle may be ruined on the trailer and unfixable but Poppie does work miracles sometimes.  We pulled the trailer to the side of the road and continued on our way we didn't want to waste the fuel and nice morning getting wood. 

We got to the wood cutting in site, cut down a total of five trees.  We were just finishing loading the last of the wood when Grandpa called to say he was coming to join us.  We cut up additional wood for him.  He arrived about an hour later and we load up his truck and cut one more tree up and we were on our way home. We were in the woods only about 4 and half hours so a good routine cut the work load down and the time.  We just arrived home and Poppie called his friend to borrow a car dolly to go get his trailer.  He is going to go get lessons on how to use the dolly, then I think Son is going to go help him collect his disabled trailer. 

We are going to get some veggie's from Grandpa that he didn't sell at the farmers market this morning.  I am sad that I haven't made it to the market since the girls went back to school but you can only do what you can do.  I am going to get Poppie a quick dinner and then he and Son will be off to their rescue mission, I hope it is fast as Poppie is very sore from cutting wood.  The kids, grandkids and I load it all and Poppie helps with the sawing.  Son and I help sawed as well, as did Grandpa. 

All in all we had a wonderful time, away in the woods, nothing is nicer than the beauty and quiet of God's wonderful woods......... tomorrow.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Today feeling slow and ready to stay in bed, Poppie to go to the Zoo alone.

I am going to stay in bed for a little while this morning. Mokie is no longer working and that will be nice.  I get to be Nannie, just because they want to spend time with me and not because they have to spend time with me.  Cubbie cuddled up to me yesterday afternoon and slept under my are for about three hours, her mother was not all that happy that it had been that long but it was nice to have her little hand holding mine as she slept.  Boy took a two hour nap as well.  They will be back to sneaking over when they feel the need to see us, or just coming to spend time away from mom.  Mom will call and check to see that they made it.  Cubbie made soap again with me she is utterly amazed that we cook without cooking. She will lose the wonderment soon but it is nice to enjoy it with her for the moment.

Poppie and the girls are off, he to his pain appointment and them to their learning.  I am at the age where I would like to be rid of my visits with mother nature and just wish she would go away for good.  I find the inconvenience beyond my patience.  I do like that I could share the experience with the girls.  They did need the example and I always made it an open experience for them.  When they were really little they called them mommie's diapers and felt a commonality with me.  They did learn to question why it was only once in awhile and not always wearing them like they did.  I am glad we got to share it so it was a natural part of their lives.  I remember as a child that my mom was so shy about it she never spoke to it with us girls.  We sort of knew about it from the school movies but we were actually shocked when the event came to our lives.  I was a little more open with my older girls but still wasn't comfortable with it.  I think that being a member of the Help Line helped me to conquer some of my inabilities in talking with people about any subjects.  I took sexual assault classes at MLEA to become an advocate for the state and I learned a valuable lesson I carry with me to this day. I had to learn to say PENIS, PENIS, PENIS, VAGINA, VAGINA, VAGINA even at the super market.  If you are uncomfortable and can't say the word how are you going to be at ease enough to help a victim.  Do you want to embarrass or hurt her more and re victimized her by your inability to even say or hear the word.  NO, and in that moment I learned that words hurt people on a different level than the just words I was raised to know hurt people.  We all know of the foul words, the racial words and the mean words, but if we can't say a word or turn red at a word we are part of the problem in aiding people who are victims or are looking to understand different things.  I would never serve an alcoholic alcohol or offer it to them but by my aversion to a word I caused pain as well; so I learned to say Penis, Penis, Penis,Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, at the deli or in the meat department and have never let words keep me from sharing or helping again. My girls are the better for it and maybe I am as well. I do like that as little farmers they know about sex, and babies.  They will not need to be taught the mechanic's, like many children will, they will need to know what emotions go with it.  I have begun to get the questions but as we have good communication lines they are at ease with the questions.  We talk about any thing they want to but only to extent of the answer to the actual question they ask,  when I answer and the answer answers the question there is no need to expound upon it or expand it beyond what they actually ask they are little and only need the answers that are appropriate to their age not beyond.  Booboo is always more advanced in her interest.  She is so much more aware of the outside world.  Yogie is much more content in her own small world.  Funny that on so many levels Booboo is the bigger of the girls, physically and mentally.  I have had the rare opportunity to raise girls that are like a set of twins. I don't mean that as a good or bad thing.  They are 13 months apart in age but they have always had to be all for each other in a way most children are never asked to be, they complete each other, share their lives closer than most fraternal siblings.  They protect each other in ways that defy my knowledge to understand how the other knew she was needed by the other.  I have always treated them the same, there was never the "you can do it when you are that age" with them and I suspect their never will be the need for that approach.  They wouldn't do it with out the other anyway.  I didn't make them like they are I just get to set back and enjoy the wonder of their growing. I did consider letting them go to school together for a long time and then one of Lady's twins, said, "why if they could be apart would you make them go together." I understood from an actual twin the longing or the need for the ability to have a distinct and separate development at friendships and life.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Carpets are half done, Cubbie, Curious and Boy will be here. Lady and Shorts travel.

I did manage to get all the carpet in the front room and the hallway done yesterday.  Cubbie helped so on some levels faster and some levels lots more work.  She was excited to get to help make soap, as well, but when we went to measure out oils the battery on the scale was low so had to wait for Poppie to change the battery, and since he was busy it took longer than Cubbie wanted to wait.  She was sure it should be cooked right now.  We eventually did get to make the soap but after the carpets were long done.  She couldn't understand why the soap "cooked" and we didn't even turn the burner on.  Chemical heating is well beyond the comprehension of a 2 and 10 month old. She just looked and said "it is hot"... We poured it and she had to show the girls when they got home that "we" had made soap.  She was pretty proud of it. We made baby powder oatmeal.   She helped me gather eggs yesterday as well, I had to get her to be gentle thankfully no eggs were hurt or killed in the collection of her eggs. I hope to get the bedroom carpets done and maybe, just maybe my bedroom.  I can't tomorrow, Poppie, has his quarterly check up at the pain center.

Sister, went to the doctor and he has figured out what was making her pass out.   It was complications of acid reflux disease.  She has to take a prescription at double normal dose to fix the problem but she will be back on the mend and maybe back to the health she enjoyed after the original heart procedure to fix the hole in her heart.  The would be such a blessing.  She and her oldest grandson were down to see "the tiny tiny baby pigs" as he, Clean Hands, called them.  He was so excited and since the mom pig caused such dust to stir, Poppie had to show him the piglets as Sister aliment was trigger by the dust and had to leave the shop area.  Clean Hands thought they were totally cool by all accounts. He did learn to move his toes when Swiss Miss Chops tried to eat them as he stood on the board fence wall of her pen.  He is a quick learner, he is a little over three.

I hope to get some time to knit on Bubbie's sac today,  with all the kids I may not get anything done until Poppie can help with them so will take the time to get a little knitting done. I will work on the carpets later in the day.  I am working on a birthday gift for a friend of Poppie's so hope to get that down as well. Lady is off to a library conference so she, Shorts and the Lady Librarian will be traveling today.  I do hope they have a safe trip and learn lots to bring home to our little library.  Lady has gotten news that her dear sister, whom she just got back from visiting in Georgia, has had bad news on her cancer, it has gotten bigger and they won't be able to operate as they had planned.  She is going to have to continue chemo,  I pray that God helps her cancer, if it be his will and that he will comfort all of the family and friends who love her. She is a very young woman, in her early forties, she needs all our prayers. Time to get coffee and the ladies out of bed..... tomorrow.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Morning has arrives early today, Picture day for the Ladies. And carpets.

I am up early this morning and was up late, I hate getting old and needing less sleep or is it just a mater of getting less from the aches and pains of age.  I don't actually know the answer maybe it is like the answer to the common cold, a mystery.  The ladies have pictures today so we picked out their background colors for their pictures, they didn't want a border but a more traditional look to their pictures. I think we made good choices.  We try to practice making good choices.  We talk about the choices we make alot, I try to keep the lines of communications open, knowing full well that as they grow they will need to close them to some extend but that they always have the ability to talk to me about anything if that is the way it has always been. 

We really did have a nice day yesterday.  We went to the mall and bought earrings and hair pretties.  We stopped at the China Buffet and ate.  Yogie got to try clams, hot and sour soup and chicken on a stick, all new choices.  Booboo was more singular in her trying new things, she tried a new chicken, the one on the stick, as well.  I kind of have to be on her side on this she has so many problems with chemicals or maybe dyes, we are close to having her aliment pinpointed,  one way or the other chemically based.   We have taken so many chemicals out of our diets, and lifestyles, and the more we do the more sensitive she seems to be or that is what is coming to the top of the list for her stomach illness.  The less we have in our diet, which is good, the more she is sensitive to them, that is a good and bad thing.  She is learning to manage fairly well. We then went to the feed store got salt blocks and some weed.  The last stop was Walmart where we picked up weather stripping for the door and then the girls each got to pick out yarn.  They are both learning to crotchet, or more factually progressing on their learning to crocheting.  We have decided that they can make a sampler baby blanket for Bubbie.  Each got to pick out two colors of yarn, one plain and one variegated.  They are going to each practice their stitches on 6 or 8 inches blocks, yet to be decided, and then I will sew them all together into one blanket for Bubbie for when she is born, or when it's done should it take longer than they plan.  We will see how diligently they practice their craft.  They may just surprise me and do it right away.

I am so glad of my laptop, it is my newest way to study my Bible.  I get to have all translation right at my finger tips, I can see what other opinions on subject in the bible are.  I can see related sermons on the verses.  I find myself studying on a daily bases and that is truly a blessing.  I am able to more thoroughly study what I ask God about.  I am more open to working on my short coming and transgressions.  I am loving my new "Bible" for all the good reasons and not the bad things that a laptop can be.  I am coming to terms with loving my fellow man, family and friends on a level that is more objective and not subjective. I ask God for guidance more quickly as I can find the verses I seek more efficiently and one I didn't know I was looking for spring out at me.  I am finding more peace and faith in my life and these are all blessings. 

Today I am going to trying and get my carpets all done, I have been trying and something always gets me on to a different endeavor and my carpets have waited, so today I will try and conquer them.  I do wish I could change them out for hardwood but since that is not in the foreseeable future, I am going to try and finish them today........... tomorrow.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I thank the Lord for the Medicaid that paid for Yogie's teeth, we girls had a blessed day.

Today while sitting in the ortho office the wonderful dentist reminded me of the accidental conversation that made the blessing of Yogie's teeth getting fixed a reality.  Yogie was on medicaid as a small child from the day she was born. When Booboo came along she joined her sister on medicaid.  Through all the years that they were little, even with me working for the Sheriff's office, they qualified on my income, which is sad.  Poppie could no longer work, and still can not, not in the way that anyone would pay you to work.  He "works" now but I am not sure that most people would call spending an hour or so fixing a fence, a goat pen, a rabbit hutch or a weeding a garden work they would pay you to do, especially when you have to be able to leave after 15 minute, half an hour or sometime a whole hour or so.  Poppie pays for the 15 minutes to an hour that he pushes himself, sometimes a day and sometime more.  He has a kind old friend, who is just short of 70, that he goes out and helps, they have together fixed goat pens, made feeders, put legs on a rabbit hutches and are working on a wall to keep the rain off of his friends wood. They accomplish some, but mostly they spend time, much need time, getting to know each other, priceless, you couldn't pay Poppie for the time he shares with his friend while he is "working".  Needless to say I tried to stay at the sheriff's office as long as I could we needed the income, but there came a time when the girls and Poppie needed me at home more.  I took my pension of about 10,000 and cashed it in, paid all of my bills for a year and made a leap of faith with the Lords blessing and I have never looked back.  The money ran out after the first year.   The second year I put stuff on the Internet and managed not to starve, made close to the same as the sheriff's office before taxes, still qualified for medicaid.   The next year Poppie got his Social Security Disability, sadly as I was so tired of carving 8 hours a day 7 days a week, and selling stuff way below value I said I am not carving another thing anytime soon, we still qualified for medicaid.  Over the last few years I sometime work really hard all year carving and drawing and we qualify for Chips instead of medicaid or I spend time with my girls and we qualify for medicaid.  Either way I am forever thankful to the state and the federal government that my girls had something to protect them through all our struggles.  This years as I was sick most of the spring and couldn't carve and had I had  insurance I would have probably spent time in the hospital but with love and care we all got through.  I did start making soap but as I have alot of up front money into the oils, molds and lyes it will take me a  couple years to break even on the soap making business, which is as it should be,  just spent 600 on hay and to make goat milk soap you got to feed the goats; not to mention the initial cost of my goat herd.  Currently my girls again are on medicaid,  but that is not why Yogie got to have her beautiful teeth fixed.

Yogie got to have her beautiful teeth fixed due to the love and kindness of her wonderful Dentist.  She had know the girls since they were babies and has operated on both of their teeth when they had medicaid.  She also took payments when I had chips.  She was sitting us up with a payment plan to do minimal work and pull some of Yogies teeth so we could get her a retainer and help her not have really badly crooked teeth.  She mentioned to me, "if you ever qualify, even for a month, for medicaid again get in touch with me right away"  I asked "why?"  She said, "because Yogie has a true medical need that I can  apply for a special waiver and have it all paid for at once and that if we put the plan in and if it was oked, even if it takes the 7 years it is projected to take, that it will be paid for upfront.  She won't have to loose any teeth that way"  Shortly after we started the payment plan and the minimal work, we could afford, I sent in my chips application and they said we didn't qualify for chips, that year we qualified for medicaid.  Yogie's dentist got her in the next day,  did an extensive exam and a huge amount of extra paperwork and with the grace of God Yogie was approved to have the work done.  She is now into the work with years to go but her beautiful smile is assured as it was prepaid by medicaid a long time ago. 

I am up early to clear my mind for the day, Yogie has an ortho in Zootown.

Today, Yogie, Booboo and I go to Zootown, Yogie has another ortho appointment. Booboo always gets to come, I think it is important to have shared time and she is a good student.   It will be a nice break from the underlying stress.  The girls are doing well and seemingly adapting to the undercurrents that have to be in their lives.  Every time things seem to calm down a new arrow comes across the bow of our ship.  Usually in the evenings, Mokie is having a hard time.  During pregnancy her chrons seems to be on hiatus so it is a blessing that in this case or she would be a wreck on the inside as much as on the outside.  Shinny and New Mamma happened to be over just after the incident last night and they gave us all such moral support.  They are a wonderful family of good Christian people, the whole family, which consists of three individual families.  They have truly been a blessing in the neighbor department all of these years.  They are always their to help even if you didn't know you needed help and especially when you do.  Shinny always looks out for Poppie to make sure he has the help he needs when Poppie tries to over do it.  Mokie watches their little Curious and Cartoons, we catch the overflow when Mokie can't.  They have shared their dirt, their manure and the friendship and are truly a blessing from the Lord.  They are a big support in all of the current happenings. 

Today we plan to go straight in to the ortho appointment, I will take them nest mall for Yogie to cash in her gift certificate for doing a good job brushing her teeth and maintaining her dental appliances. Booboo will get to buy accessories as well.  That will be a surprise for them, then stop for lunch probably at the China Buffet, they like it there.  I would like to pick up a mineral block for the goats and maybe try a flock block for the chickens.  I will see if Poppie needs anything else for the critters and pick that up as well.  Poppie will have Cubbie and Curious, until eleven, then Boy after his dad drops him off after school.  Poppie needs a day of being in the house he has been working pretty hard so needs the break even if he doesn't know it.  We should be home in the early afternoon if all goes on schedule.  It will give us a much needed away day.

I slept good last night, after I manage to get to sleep around midnight. The Lord put the 23 Psalms in my mind, it was very comforting, so I will go to Psalms to reread it in it's entirety.  I need to see what the Lord is telling me to do close up and in black and white.   Today is a new page and a blessing to be enjoyed and shared.  I hope you share yours with some one special I intend to....... tomorrow.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Turning the other cheek, even when the abuser continues to attack you, God asks this of us.

Today I reread the sermon on the mount with special attention to Matthew 5:38-42.  I have always raised my children to not be violent and not hit back.  My son once was at a party, I know he was a teenager and shouldn't have been but he was there.  He was punched in the face by  another kid much smaller than him.  He told me later he knew I would not be happy if he hit the other kid so he turned the other cheek and let the kid beat him up pretty bad.  His friends were all mad at him for not beating "the sh-t" out of the other kid.  I found out why his face was all beat up and he told me, he also said he wouldn't do it again, he had did it once for me and wouldn't do it again.   I kind of believe him that he thinks that is the way it is but to this day he has never beat up any one, I know that he will never do it again for me, no even he doesn't know that he does it for the Lord, he knows that it isn't right to beat some one up for any reason. 

I found a wonderful sermon that I read in connection with the sermon on the mount and the part I was looking to God for help with, turning the other cheek.  This is the sermon I read----

Pastor Gordon MacDonald has said this:

“The world can do almost anything
as well or better than the church.
You need not be a Christians to build houses,
feed the hungry, or heal the sick.
There is only one thing the world cannot do.
It cannot offer grace.”

Imagine how the world would be if just the Christians stopped fighting. Think for a minute what our neighborhoods would look like, or our churches, or our families, or our political arenas, if the followers of Christ turned the other cheek whenever possible. What if two billion Christians became convinced that Jesus’ call to love and kindness and grace, and began to live our lives that way? The world would be changed.

But it doesn’t start with 2 billion. It starts with one. When you go to Target after worship, maybe you’ll let someone have that primo parking space, even though you got there first. When your neighbor’s dog does a number on your lawn, you don’t pick it up and put it on his doorstep; you just pick it up. When your employer tells you that you are no longer needed at the company, you swallow hard and say “Thank you for the privilege of working here.” And when your Joey is punched by their Billy, you don’t call your lawyer. You call Billy’s dad and say “Let’s take the boys to a Twins game so we can have them become friends, not enemies.”

If we belong to the God of Grace, we must become people of grace. There’s no other way. And someday, somewhere, someone will be explaining how it is that the neighborhood lives at peace, and they will point to you and say “He started it.” Be a people of grace today! Thanks be to God. Amen.

I have thought and thought about these words.  I know that with all the problems that have occurred this week I am called to keep turning the other cheek though the person daily attacks Mokie or me.  I can only give it to the Lord and know that he will be the answer to our prays when dealing with our neighbor. I to my surprise am not anger at her, I am sadden by her and find that she needs to be pitied.  Only God has the grace to change the tide at this point, I have turned the other cheek and at ever turn there is a new attack.   Now all I have left to do is pray that God speaks to her heart and asks her to desist her relentless attacks.  If it be God's will, it will stop, we have walked away only to be hit again and again........ tomorrow.

Piglets come to Swiss Miss Chops new digs. Nothing cuter than a baby pig.

We were invited to Lady's house for a barbecue and to help teach her how to make sauerkraut.  We were just leaving the house to go out there when Swiss Miss Chops seemed to be going into labor.  We called Son and asked him to check on her while we were gone.  Poppie and Friend were checking out  the work Friend has been doing on his house this year.  He has spent the greater part of the spring and summer residing his house.  He has had to restructure some walls, one where when he took off the siding a window he didn't know used to be there had been covered up.  He has made great headway and is getting close to having the work done.  He has a door to put in where there is a window and more siding then trim work.  They will have painting to do after that, their house is a big house. It is really looking great and the new colors will be very nice.

The girls enjoyed showing off their skill and knowledge at making sauerkraut to Lady.  They spend a little time outside trying to ride Lady and Friend's bikes but as they are both pretty tall, the bike's were way to big for them to ride well. They ran around a little and enjoyed their day out.  We had just finished getting the sauerkraut done and Lady started dinner, the men were off to go for a short ride in Friend's new pickup when Poppie came into the house.  Poppie had just gotten a call from Son, he was all shook up the first piglet was coming and she was having a problem.  Poppie decide to run home and check on her and then return.  Poppie left and Friend barbecued. Poppie was gone quite awhile and then returned to tell us that two had been born and Son and Mokie had things all in hand.

We had a nice dinner, Yogie ate up her dinner, and Booboo was not eating as well. She had eaten quite a few of the chips and wonderful salsa Lady had made.  She later confided that her German sausage had been hot.  I told her she could have told us and Yogie would have eaten it, Yogie agreed she would have.  They both got a nice big ice cream cone for dessert.  We ate and left to go check on our Sow.

When we got home Mokie and Son had just gone home, they advised they were all born, and there were nine.  We went in to see them and there were ten, Son was shocked as he had thought she was done having piglets.  She ended up having a total of 12 all watched and enjoyed the new life being born.  Shinny, New Mamma, Curious and family came to see the babies finish being born.  Curious was scared at first but in the end got right into the pen and had a grand old time.  We have a very gentle sow as she let a whole bunch of people she was not used to come right in a view the whole thing. Cubbie advised us that "she pooped them out her butt."  Well sort of..... tomorrow.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Yogie us up this morning trying to get Poppie to check Swiss Miss Chops. Practice chores.

The Proffesor called last night to see if the girls and I would come do chores this week.  He is going to take Herbalist away for the week, her birthday was yesterday and they are wanting to get away for the week.  I was already in bed sewing as I was tired from making salsa and sauerkraut. I got 14 jars of salsa and 4 gallons of kraut fermenting in the crock.  Booboo had fun helping me slice the cabbage on the old slicer.  She had many theories on just how to slice the cabbage the most efficiently.  I always find her learning process such a joy to witness.  She always picks a problem apart and puts it back together in such an interesting manner. I am working on my knitting for Bubbie and figuring out how to make up some upcycled teddy's.  I cut out a flannel one, am looking to make up some woolen ones and maybe a mink or goat one.  I did find some cute arm bands that I want to make for the girls that are adorable so need to look through my wool and go to Twin's house for some woven wool she has for me.

Poppie and the girls went out to see how to do the chores and the new routine.  We have not done chores for them since last September.  They were shown how to feed the horses, so they don't fight.  He showed them how to feed the sheep and alpacas, the buck and ram, the does and the kids.  Yogie milked out Danielle.  Booboo offered to help but Yogie only had a little left to do.  Professor was very kind and good with both girls in his instructions.  He was very proud of Yogie's milking.  He showed them how to water all the animals.  They will be gone most of the week or so and we will have to do the chores each night.  There are also 3 great Pyrenees.  Lassy, their little Shetland sheep dog, may have gotten her back broken yesterday by his neighbors Nigerian buck.  Poppie was asked into the house to look at her but Professor didn't want the girls to see her.  She was hurt yesterday and has no use of her back legs.  Poppie is sad as he really likes the little dog.  Yogie and Booboo are really excited to do the chores and spend time with the animals.

I feel a new ease in my life this morning.  I think God has taken a potential stresser out of my life.  I am so glad the Lord leads me down the paths that I am to go down.  I think in this case he has leads us away from a relationship that would have lead to real problems.  I feel the weight of it gone and that is a true blessing that I will embrace.  Today we may have piglets but if not they will be here soon, she is so big right now it is amazing. ..................... tomorrow.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Toxic people have no place in our lives and should be queitly walked away from.

I have said before that anger has been one of the things I have worked hard at getting rid of in my life.  I think I may have spent a good deal of my 20's anger at the world and didn't know why.  I have come to understand, in older age, that I had quite a few buried issues and the anger probably had little to do with what was actually going on in my 20's.  I think with the help of many of  my friends, and their wonderful advise, I am close to having control over anger.  I've known for years I rarely get anger at people I don't love or care about so for me anger has to be a personal thing.  Today something happened to me, meant to anger me, and all I could do was laugh at what the person was trying to do to me.  I had no anger at this person, pity maybe for the games they seem to think are worth pursuing and their meanness and fained innocence, but not a drop of anger,  I am so glad that prayer has brought me to the brink of conquering anger with the love and the help of the Lord.

I have had times when gossip has had a hold of my life but in the last few years I have tried to throw off the evilness of gossip and on many levels I have conquer the devils desire in me to gossip.  I just today read a wonderful commentary on gossip and this part of the commentary spoke to my heart:   Anyone can engage in gossip simply by repeating something heard in confidence. The book of Proverbs has a long list of verses that cover the dangers of gossip and the potential hurt that results from it. “A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue. A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret” (Proverbs 11:12-13).

The Bible tells us that “a perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends” (Proverbs 16:28). Many a friendship has been ruined over a misunderstanding that started with gossip. Those who engage in this behavior do nothing but stir up trouble and cause anger, bitterness, and pain among friends. Sadly, some people thrive on this and look for opportunities to destroy others. And when such people are confronted, they deny the allegations and answer with excuses and rationalizations. Rather than admit wrongdoing, they blame someone else or attempt to minimize the seriousness of the sin. “A fool's mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul. The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts” (Proverbs 18:7-8).

Those who guard their tongues keep themselves from calamity (Proverbs 21:23). So we must guard our tongues and refrain from the sinful act of gossip. If we surrender our natural desires to the Lord, He will help us to remain righteous. May we all follow the Bible’s teaching on gossip by keeping our mouths shut unless it is necessary and appropriate to speak.--------------- I found comfort in this as I am trying to keep gossip out of my life.  I have decided in the last few years that I can't have toxic relationships in my life, and a gossip is a toxic relationship. 

I have tried to turn my life around and say no to relationships that are unhealthy and toxic.  Some of the people that I have put from my life are people I love but their toxic behavior is so harmful to me that I may love them but I can't have them sharing my life.  Some of the toxic relationship are people I don't personally love and find no need to continue down a toxic path, gossips are toxic and part of the people I no longer feel are good for me or my family and choose to remove them from my life.  I know that God calls us to forgive those who transgress against us, and I have no problem forgiven the toxic people in my life, I just see no reason to have them in my life.  I can't say I truly hate any one in my life, and loving people in general is something God calls us to do, I don't think that I have to like and associate with everyone though, and I don't think God calls me to do so.  I think given a minute I can find many verses that would tell me that I don't have to associate with people who cause me to be drawn away from the Lord and his will...... tomorrow.

Poppie will be making Swiss Miss Chops a new indoor pen in the shop, Salsa Sauerkraut Saturday.

Poppie has loved all the time he has spent helping out his friend.  He tells me they are going to go on a short hiatus so will need me and the girls to take care of their animals for the week.  He will still be finishing up the boxing in of their porch and then he will be able to finish up work around here before winter.  Today he turned down working for them as he needs to get Swiss Miss chops a new bigger indoor pen to have her babies in.  She has a lovely outdoor log cabin connected to her pen but it is not big enough for her to have babies in and feed them.  Poppie is going to cut a hole in his shop and pen off a 12 by 12 area to give her a nice place for her and her piglets.  They will be warm, have room to spread out and Poppie can water and feed them from his side of the shop.  It will be a nice place for all involved.  Poppie is also going to hang a tire swing for her to play with so she doesn't get bored and tear up any thing. He is going to take her water off the 55 gallon barrel and attached it to the wall, she likes to dump the barrel when she is playing as well, likes the big old mud puddle it makes.  Her own personal jacuzzi, so to speak. Now that winter approaches she has not need for a mud bath so Poppie will take away her ability to have one.  I can't wait to help if he lets me. I need to get out of the house.

The girls and I are going to can up the salsa I made yesterday.  I made it with extra zucchini and lots of hot. Yogie and I like it hot, Poppie won't eat it anyway and Booboo likes it mixed in so the hot dilutes.  Our modo is you can take less but if it is not hot enough when you can it you can't add it later.  We used all of the peppers we had grown so far in the green house. There is about 4 gallons of it so we will see how many jars we well get.  We are going to make sauerkraut today as well.  Got cabbage from Grandpa and lots of salt.  We may add a little kefir whey to see how we like that in our sauerkraut.  Nourishing traditions advises to make it that way so well will see if it is a good adaption to the old family recipe.  We are sauerkraut purest just salt in it, no celery salt or juniper, though I would love to had some hot pepper flakes.  We just shred the cabbage on our sauerkraut slicer, and then add 1 teaspoon non iodized salt per pound.  We then pound it with a wooden stick, until the natural juices come out of the cabbage to cover the shredded cabbage.  No, you never add water unless of course you had to buy dried out cabbage at the store.  I have never gotten the cabbage from the store to be hydrated enough to make proper sauerkraut.  The farmers market is great but not some much the store.  We have a 10 gallon crock, we won't make it full as it will be just the girls and I eating it.  Poppie has not been able to eat cabbage or sauerkraut since his accident.  Fried cabbage, his favorite, was the last meal he ate before he fell the tree on himself. It just make him nauseous to even smell it now.  It is so sad that he can't he tries every now and again to eat a Reuben and no go, his body just can' do it.  Tomorrow we may go teach Lady to make sauerkraut, that is if the girls are not full blown sick like I was earlier in the week, Booboo is trying real hard to get sick.  I took the girls to the doctor on Thursday, they both had large lymph glands.  Booboo was 90 percentile, in height, around what she has always been, Yogie had dropped down from 50 percentile, as she had been all her life, to the last two visits being a consistent 25 percentile.  She is a little mite, with a lot of might.  ............. tomorrow.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Silver is coming home today, Social Media and odd new type of friendship.

Silver will be home today,  Teacher says that his color is much better than it was before his heart attack and he has more energy.  His procedures went well, he got a stint and will be on meds to finish clearing out the rest of the blockages.  We are really blessed to have his outcome be good.  I am also glad that though the men in our family do have heart attacks, young, it seems to be a wake up call. A hundred years ago it meant death but in this day of wonderful medicine it is reminder to get your life together and with medicine you can live a better quality of life after the event.  I am so happy for my brother and his family for this out come and give the praise to the Lord for his blessing in this attack. I will try and take advantage of his wake up call and do more toward getting the exercise I need.

I find social media an interesting thing.  When myspace first started being a popular thing I was not interested in participating.  Facebook came along and I still was hesitant, I was afraid of my computer being attacked by viruses, I was afraid of people accessing my online info, I was afraid....... in the end after a few of my trusted friends tried it, I got on board.  I must admit when I first got on to it I loved the games but learned in a relatively short time I didn't have time to play games on it any longer and I no longer play the games.  It was addictive and I having given up contemporary or non classical novel years ago had no desire to get caught up in a mind numbing addiction.  I do like talking to the different people but don't spend a great deal of time searching through their stuff or reading more than the first page of statuses.  I did start my blog because of social media and find it to be very rewarding.  I think mostly because it is like writing a cleansing letter to myself, the Lord and sometimes just to the anonymous many that have no actually contact with my family so don't judge me subjectively. 

I have always known about my possible issues with social media, and it's potential addiction but I didn't think about it being the same for others.  I tried to get a couple friends and Sister to join,  sister doesn't want to and has no interest in it.   My friends at the time ask me why,  I told them to me it was a little like going to a potluck.   You get to go and visit friends hear bits and pieces of their life or their doings but then you get to walk away or rejoin the conversation whenever you wanted to.  A couple of my friends joined and then became avid gamers, they love it.  I have one friend that this week has decided that she is not getting anything done.  She spends to much time checking out what her friends are all doing, what her cousins are doing etc..... She has decide to go on hiatus.  She put out a message to her friends on facebook and closed her account.  I went to write her a message and couldn't access her, she was blocked to me.  I thought oh, my gosh what have I done why did she block me?.... unbeknownst to her the message may have gone out but when she closed her account it disappeared to all of us, so I wonder do all of her friends and family think she has blocked them.  It is funny to live in an age of unfriending, blocking and statuses.  I also noticed that she has taken me off of her favorites on her blogs, now I am at a quandary, is it another innocent action to step back from spending to much time on the Internet or does she find my blog no longer of interest or does she not want to share it anymore with her other friends or do the blogs that are still on her list have more importance to the time she has to spend on the Internet.  See what I mean? Social media is a whole new world and a whole new aspect to the complications of friendship.  I already emailed her about the facebook stuff and she assured me it was not me, so I would really be an insecure idiot to email her about the blog..... social media is complicated and funny and I think taken to seriously..

On a serious note, I did read an article that said that social media is an important outlet for the elderly in our communities.  The ones fortunate enough to get on to a social media sites see great benefit, they get to access people they haven't seen or heard from in years.  They get to interact with people on a daily bases not always something the shut ins get to do.  They have to use their minds in ways that keep them active.  Social media is not as good for them as a grand daughter visiting in person but can be such an uplifting daily interaction with a person that cares about them, if even from afar...... tomorrow.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Great Grand Mother Glassy, she was a wonderful woman, I am told.....

My earliest memory of my Great Grandmother Glassy was when we lived on the 50 acre farm near Darby by the sawmill that dad worked at.  We lived in an old farm house.  Where was a lovely old barn and a whole bunch of sheep, and the most wonderful little sheep dog named Shep, he liked us well enough but he loved those sheep.  My Great Grandmother came to stay with us shortly after my grand parents funeral.  I know now, but probably wasn't aware then, that my great grand father had died shortly before their death as they were killed in a freak snow storm en route to his funeral.  I remember my Great Grand Mother as being mean to my mom, but in hindsight she had to be in such pain.  Nothing my mom did was good enough, if she disciplined us that made Great Grand Ma mad, if she didn't discipline us she was in trouble.  I think I was seeing the grieving of two very strong woman, both having lost their precious daughter, mother, father, son in law, grand father and husband.  Life had to go on for them and they didn't know how to grieve together; before long Great Grand Mother went back home. 

A couple years later Great Grand Mother came to visit us again, she always came on the bus from some where far away.  I only remember her coming to see us 4 or 5 times.  I think, but am not sure, after Great Grand Father and my grandparents died, she moved from the Seattle area to Hot Springs Arkansas to live near her son.  So when she came on the bus to visit it was a long ride.  She was a diabetic and had a lot of health issues.  The second time she came, as I said a couple years later, she brought pictures to share with my mom.  I remember my mom pleasantly looking at a pile of pictures then shear horror coming to her face.  My mom had chose not to view her parents after their death and my Great Grand Mother had always been mad at her for not doing so, so there in my moms lap was a dropped photo of my Grand Mother Thelma in death.  My mom later described her memory of the photo as so abhorrent to her.  My Great Grand Mother had done it on purposes, I don't know from meanness, or thinking back, maybe it was her way to jar my mother our of depression.  Either way my Great Grand Mother didn't stay long that time either.

The third time my Great Grand Mother came to visit I wasn't there and by all accounts my siblings loved her and had a wonderful time with her,  She was in very good health and all had a very bonding experience and she stayed longer than expected.  The last time my Great Grand Mother came to visit was in the summer of 1981 shortly after Goofy was born.  She brought me a beautiful very plain baby blanket for my daughter.  My Grand Mother Thelma had always worked and I don't know if she could sew or could not sew, she probably could but didn't have time; but my mother was taught all of her many fiber art skills by my Great Grand Mother.  I have seen some of the beautiful work she had done.  I do have an unfinished top that I inherited, it was made after her sight had started to go so has both cotton and polyester pieces, I am sure she hadn't meant it that way.  Anyway, she came to see us.  I do not, to my chagrin, have a photo of her with my daughter as she was very sick and kind of mean.  I do so wish I had gotten to see her the magical visit that the rest of the family talk about when she was lovely and pleasant.  I do recall a story she told the last time I saw her and maybe it gave insight into the woman of the south she was. 

She told of her oldest Great Grand daughter coming to visit her.  She had come in the after noon and they had had a pleasant evening, dinner and then had gone to bed.  In the night Great Grand Mother had heard a baby crying in her sleep, she awoke and she could still hear it.  She got out of bed and followed the crying.  She opened her front door and there (her word's) was the cutest little N****r baby she had ever seen.  She gathered that little baby up, rocked and shushed him.  He was the most adorable little thing.  She had no idea where he had come from.  Her great grand daughter stepped forward and said, "Grandma, he is mine."  Great Grand Mother took her to task for leaving such a precious baby out in the car, hungry and alone.  Her great grand daughter had been so afraid that her grandmother wouldn't want him for being black, as she used the N word all the time.  She didn't understand the woman had been born in the 1800's and that that was the term she had always used as that was how she was raised and the times in which she lived.  My Great Grand Mother was a grand old dame, she loved us and wanted to see us but was a staid and crotchety old girl, or maybe it was just her way.  She was 83 the summer of 81 and due to cataracts could no longer ride the bus to come and see us.  I am sad to say I only ever got to see the sterner side of her, I know that there was another side, my sibling and my Mother all got to see that I never did.  I however benefited from the legacy of her fiber art, she passed it down to my mother and she passed it down to me, I pass it down to my children and anyone who wants to learn,  My Great Grand Mother was just short of 100 when she died in the 90's.  I am proud to say I knew her if only a little............. tomorrow.

Silver had a heart attack, he is doing well from what I have heard, Thank God.

Yesterday morning my Sister in Law, Teacher, called me, Silver, my oldest brother had a heart attack.  She said he is doing ok, and they are doing tests. She seemed strong and together, I can't say I would have had the same resolve.  She is one of the brightest people I know, God love her she struggles with common sense.  She is very caring, solid and loyal. everything Silver ever wanted in a mate.  God always makes us the perfect other half, he is good like that.  Some I guess just didn't know where to look for their other half or missed up when they meant them and didn't know it was them.  I digress. 

Silver is a good solid man, works very hard, hunts, fishes and loves the Lord.   He is a good dad, gave all he had to make sure his kids got a good education, even if they didn't all use it or appreciate his efforts.  He gave them all he could work overtime for a life time to get.  He has lost weight in the last year so it was a shock to hear he had a heart attack.  He was thinner but when I think about it the last time I saw him he looked paler and older to me.  Maybe I should have paid more attention to him and not the weight loss.  The men on my dad's side of the family have a hereditary heart defect of small coronary arteries.  My great grand father and grand father both died at 67 of heart attacks, not their first.  My dad had his first heart attack in his late 40's like my brother is.  Silver has always been and athlete, in high school, he was a state champion wrestler from two different states, both Montana and Oregon.  He had in the last few years gained weight but the health conscious side of his had gotten on track and was getting his health in order.  I hope this attack helps him on to the recovery it did for my dad.  He was so proud that he and his brother were the first generation to live past 67.  They have both had multiple by pass surgeries, but both are much healthier than they were in their younger years.  Sometimes the blessing is the heart attack, the ones who survive them often lead a healthier after life, and get more in tune with their bodies and lives, well in my family that is, can't speak for any one else. 

Today I pray for the good out come of Silver's testing and have faith in God's will that Silver has much more to accomplish in this life.............tomorrow.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Cubbie and I chilled, I love holding hands with a child. God's most wondeful gift.

I know I have said before that to me one of the easiest way to know beyond a doubt that God exists is to look at the hand of a newborn baby.  I, in awesome wonder, look at newborns hand.  The are almost translucent, they are so fragile, they have beauty beyond compare, they are not the result of a fish crawling on to dry land, or an accidentally congruence of nature.  They are the most precious wonderful creation that God made, they are the image of his hand. 

I love to hold little hands. My children from the time they were little placed their hands in mine. I can tell which one it is by the special and unique feel of each.  People scoff that I can touch their hands and know which child it is, but it is true, and always has been.  I now have the pleasure of knowing all of my grand children, that I have meant, by their hands.  No, I don't have a hand fetish.  God made hands all so unique that it is obvious which hand has need of holding yours if you are paying attention. 

Yesterday, I decide that I had to stay in bed all day and try to get well or all of my dear friends were going to come, hog tie me and take me to the doctor if I didn't.  I stayed faithfully in bed all day, slept, contemplated, read, computered, and held the hand of my lovely little Cubbie.  She and Yogie have similar little hands but hers are always like sand paper.  It doesn't matter how much lotion you apply they are just rough and firm.  She has a fine strong little hand.  She laid by me and slept, watched "little bill" and chattered away.  I got up an made her lunch.  She spent the day cuddled in my arms,  she usually comes each day, even if it is not a day I watch her, and crawls into my lap to get  her daily hug.  Her mom will call and make sure that here is where she sneaked off to.  Cubbie is a special little person, you can read it in her wonderful little hand..... tomorrow.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Do Christian Apples have an easier time, are they compliant or complacent?

2 Timothy 3:14-15   But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.------ I can't say that I have a memory of not believing that the Lord Jesus was the son of God and that he died for my sins.  I was raised with that belief at the core of who I am.  I am not me with out that as my existence in life.  I after writing this morning about children being the apples that fell from their parents tree have contemplated this is regard to faith.  I have known alot of Christians in my life, probably more than atheist, agnostics or an other religions.   I have know Christians born into a christian lifestyle, like me, and I have know people who were brought to the Lord as adults and not born believing in the Lord.  I never thought about their being a difference in their perspective on their lives until today.  I am not sure there always is but I do know in hind sight that sometimes there is.

I say it again, I have never had a moment in my life that I didn't know that Jesus was the light of the world, the word and the son of God.  I have to think that all people who come to knowing the Lord as adults or teen have known life without believing that.  That would have to make their perspective on their Christian life different by that alone.  Did I not work as hard to become a Christian? Do I love the Lord differently? do they?  Did they have a moment of epiphany?  Does it matter?  Do I see the Lord with the same joy and reverence? Do I take the Lord more for granted like a member of the family? Do I worship his glory the same?  Do I fear the Lord?  I am amazed at the questions that concept has brought to my mind.  I think that I will explore the questions a bit and wonder about what my life would have been like to have been called to the Lord out of the darkness but in the end I am so glad to never have not known him and to know with out a doubt that he is alive, he arose the victor over death.  I didn't have to ever wonder at that simple truth it just always was.....

Matthew 20

The Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard
1 “For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire workers for his vineyard. 2 He agreed to pay them a denarius[a] for the day and sent them into his vineyard.
3 “About nine in the morning he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing. 4 He told them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.’ 5 So they went.
“He went out again about noon and about three in the afternoon and did the same thing. 6 About five in the afternoon he went out and found still others standing around. He asked them, ‘Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?’
7 “‘Because no one has hired us,’ they answered.
“He said to them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard.’
8 “When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, ‘Call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first.’
9 “The workers who were hired about five in the afternoon came and each received a denarius. 10 So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. 11 When they received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. 12 ‘These who were hired last worked only one hour,’ they said, ‘and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day.’
13 “But he answered one of them, ‘I am not being unfair to you, friend. Didn’t you agree to work for a denarius? 14 Take your pay and go. I want to give the one who was hired last the same as I gave you. 15 Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?’
16 “So the last will be first, and the first will be last.”

  I think that God in his wisdom gave us this as the answer.  We all go to the Lord at death not because of any of our works but by the grace of God alone, no matter the time we sign on with God, the reward is always the same everlasting life with the Lord Our God because of his generosity,  and grace alone. I have been in bed today and have contemplated..... tomorrow.

The apples doesn't fall to far from the tree... is that a given or a choice they make?

I think the debate of nurture or nature is alive and well, though I did recently read an article that says it is a mute point and an antiquated concept.  Really, how could that be? I know that particular debate usually is a reference to intelligence.  Genetic does gives us are our basic IQ, high or low we don't get to choose, it's like a lottery we get what we were given.  Education develops it to its potential but an uneducated genius is still a genius so how could the debate no longer be relevant?  I actually think that that is an oxymoron, a genius IQ by nature hungers for knowledge and educates themselves in any way they can whether it be traditional school, self education, street smarts or even criminal pursuit.  I also think that an individual with a below normal IQ  can be forced to spend a life time, and a fortune, being educated but still not have the sense to tie their shoes if that be their choice. Nature does play a roll in our potential for learning it doesn't dictate the knowledge we will acquire in life. So nature still gives us the potential and nurture in the end still gives us the end results.

Proverbs 22:6  Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. ---  I think the nurture is the most important part of raising children.  I don't think that you can control your child and should never try to do so.  I see people that so want their children to be like them, think as they want them to think, or not make mistakes (or at least the mistakes that they made) that they become controlling in their effort to make their children what they want them to be. I do believe that these people, like all of us, want the best for their children they just don't know when to let go.  For the most part that is just it, we want the best for our kids, but what is that?   It is so many things to so many people, no two of us have the same ideas or thoughts on what that is or should be.  The bottom line is that we raise our children as our ideals dictate and the child takes the knowledge and teaching we give them and become the people they are meant to be. Sometimes a parent finds such pride in the adult they become,  as God meant them too. Others times a parent spends a lifetime wondering where that adult came from, and think they have failed,  they never see that the child is still the child they raised, maybe they don't see themselves clearly and that their child to others is just like them.

 I think it is almost impossible for a child to be truly different from their upbringing.  I think as adults they will have different ideas, wants, plans and maybe a different life path than their parents but they are the product of the life they were raised in.  I am not talking about children who sadly were not loved or raised by their parents, I am talking about people who had a parent or parents that tried to raise their child in some sort of family, no mater how dysfunctional it may have been. Children's childhoods are the sum total of the experiences that they shared with the other members of their family.  You can wish your basic philosophies away but those concepts were established by the experience that created you, you developed those through the trial and error of your life choices or the life choices your parents made with you or for you as a child. No, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, it couldn't, it doesn't know how not to be the sum of it's experiences in life.  You can only be what you know to be, you can wish to be different and try to become something different but in the end you can only be what your life experiences dictate..... tomorrow

Monday, September 12, 2011

Sore throat still bugging me but I got stuff to do so no hybernating allowed.

I woke up with my persistent sore throat still plaguing me.  I am not letting it set my schedule so with a spritz and a couple of Tylenol I am off. I do want to make it perfectly clear to those who apparently think that a sore throat makes my brain unfunctioning, all of my faculties are in working order and have been all weekend.  The audacity of some people is laughable. I am not sure if Cubbie and Boy will be here or not, I guess I will see when or if they come. I am hoping to make several more batches of soap in the next couple days.  I am trying to get my stores all full so to get them aged for future sales. Oh, and I got a lovely order or two yesterday from my photos, so cool, gotta love good friends who support me. I am going to try and get my carpets cleaned this morning. I also have a date this afternoon with Herbalist and Belle. I am bound and determined to be up for it, it will be alot of fun.

Tomorrow I hope to get to go to CAKLS, I am working on a bunting for Bubbie, I have actually given Mokie's baby girl her nickname, I have never done that before, it may change but for right now she is telling me that is her nickname. I can chat about what I am making with no worry of discovery as Mokie has never and has no future plans to read my blog.  She will have to read it at some future day when I have it made in to book form, for my grand kids.  Too funny she says, "why would I want to read about what we do everyday".  I think she just likes real books better than virtual ones.  I will give her a copy when I give her her copy of my hand written cookbook, think of the utterly silly asides I can draw in the margins. That will make her day, wink.

I could not bring myself to watch any of the many remembrance shows that were on the TV yesterday.  I really thought about it but all I could do was think of the day I spent on my couch sobbing as the building came down all those years ago.  Was it really ten years, more than my two little girls lifetimes.  I couldn't go there the pain is still so raw for some reason.  Just thinking of them by looking at the titles brought pain to my throat, anxiety to my chest and tears to my eyes in the end I could not do it.  I would love to watch them as tributes, to those dear lost souls, but for some reason facing them all at once was more than I could do yesterday.  I hope that doesn't make me a coward, I know it makes me less brave than all of them, but then God know I wasn't in the first place he didn't ask their fate of me, he just asks that I remember.  I just can't do it all at once and all on one day.... tomorrow.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

I try to be humble in God's eyes. I fall short on a daily basis but I try anew each day, as God asks.

Luke 18:9-14; He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ ...  

I daily fall short of what God asks of me in my life. I know that to many I am a sinner with no hope for life in eternity with God.  I have never tithed and was not raised to believe that that is what God asks of us.  I was raised to give to God, as in Luke 21:1-4, 1 And he looked up, and saw the rich men that were casting their gifts into the treasury. 2 And he saw a certain poor widow casting in thither two mites. 3 And he said, Of a truth I say unto you, This poor widow cast in more than they all: 4 for all these did of their superfluity cast in unto the gifts; but she of her want did cast in all the living that she had.  You give from your heart what you can and have.  I don't go to church just to be there, I would love to go to a church that God calls me too, but at this point in my life God is not calling me to a specific church.  I can not quote the whole bible verse by verse.  I have read the whole bible but like many I struggle through Leviticus.  I have lied in my life, I have used the Lord's name in vain, I have mistreated others, I have sinned over and over again.  I however try to start ever day to be right with God and follow the path he has asked be to walk. I never try to put myself above others or imply that I am in anyway a better christian or more Godly than anyone.  I try to walk a humble life in the Lord.  Mark 10:25; It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.”   I will never be in danger of being a rich man so this has never been one of my worries but to truly live a humble live, not just a poor live, is a daily struggle for me.  I often have to ask the Lord to give me strength to not put myself above others, I am better than no one. I should not think that I am better than a harlot, a homeless person or a criminal,  I know nothing about their lives and their relationship with God.  I am called not to judge least I be judged,  I believe to truly be humble that you should never judge the life of anyone.      

 Micah 6:8;  He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?    Today I begin again to ask the Lord for his strength to guide my life and heart that I may be a better person and a better christian.  I should especially today, of all days, think of others before myself.  Today we mark the 10 anniversary of 9/11. They all had a lifetime to live and make their peace with God, we like them are not given a moment more time than God alots us. I ask myself am I ready to meet the Lord, are you..... tomorrow.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

I was anger today but not really at someone mostly at their meanness. Is it the same thing?

This morning I woke up to an email from the neighbor, it was one of those sappy sweet things rolled in meanness and gossip.  The email angered me it was an out right attack on my pregnant daughter. The neighbor could have politely spoke with Mokie on the subject and worked something out but instead of taking that tack she choice to gossip and tattle on my 26 year old daughter.  I have long since stopped making decision for my daughter.  She is the mother of two and soon to be a mother of three, I raised her to stand on her own and make her own decisions, she is an empowered woman. ( I am not a tea party republican, on any level, but I do belong to the momma grizzly club, you attack my daughter and your are going to get the grizzly.)  I should never have been talked to about this problem, one on one is always the best practice.  Later in the morning my daughter called me and the neighbor had finally called her and was upset that I hadn't talked to her and fixed it.  Again that is not my job and Mokie doesn't need me to fix her life.  She did tell the neighbor I was upset over the way she was handling this problem, she also told her I would need time to cool down before she pushed the issue with me.  The neighbor didn't take her advice, she came at me with both barrels and I told her the way I saw her actions of the summer.  I told her that she had been involved with an illegal act and we as a neighborhood had showed kindness in not reporting the problem but I would no longer give her the kindness as she was not capable of the kindness in the second situation which was not illegal.  She blocked me on facebook and called the cops.  While she was waiting for the cops to come she dug up dog poop and place it around her backyard as evidence of the problem.  Odd behavior for an innocent person, we all saw her do it.  The fences aren't but wire. The cop came and obviously found her call unfounded or uneventful as he drove by and never stopped at our house,  to bad I would have told him about her chicken and duck killing dog. Shortly after the cops came the neighbor went up to my sisters and continued to gossip about the situation that should never have been any ones problem but Mokies, and hers, especially not my sick sisters.  She didn't need the trouble and problems right now. 

I contemplated my anger all afternoon and thanks to, Lady Hero and Lady Jeweler, I was not anger at the neighbor.  She is not worth my anger and she doesn't have the right to control me with my own anger.  I am angry at the meanness, gossip and fake innocence that her mind as thought up.  I am happy as a clam to see her meanness out in the open and know that she is someone I should be very careful around as she doesn't treat people with kindness that isn't faked.  I actually heard her says once that she goes to church for the free babysitting I guess I should have taken more note of the statement at the time I heard it. I guess at the time I thought the Lord was just happy she was there what ever the reason, sad she hasn't been doing anything but enjoying someone else watching her kids.   I am not angry but am enlightened and will not fall victim to her tales again.... tomorrow.