Thursday, February 17, 2011

My biggest fear has always been sharp things

Okay, so 3 months in bed when you are a workaholic that isn't allowed,normally, to do anything that your family perceives might be too much weight or that you might be hurting yourself doing is a loooong time. What he didn't know was that part of it was a pleasure and part of it was longer for us. We were so glad he was alive, his brain bleed had been very dangerous and scary. He didn't help much at the hospital he wanted to go home and "this was messing up his Easter with his girls". It was 6 weeks before he could get up for an hour, another 6 weeks before he got to be up long term. Three months in bed and he was ready to go get firewood. My friends said why are you letting him think that way, he should never be allowed to do that again. The reality is that he was 47 and needed to be allowed all the dignity that comes with the pride of being his own man, I understood it then, and now, and helped him get back to where he needed to be. My son  the logger taught me to cut down trees, and my biggest fears in this world are getting cut and something falling on my head, go figure, this helped cure both of those problems...

Almost 3 months to the day after the accident we were in the woods, Booboo, Yogie, Bug (my son), Daughter (his wife), Eldest (his son) 5, M (his daughter)2, Poppie and I. We were there to get a small load of wood and help Nannie learn to cut down trees, so we could get out of the house, and Poppie could be in his woods. We spent the next hour with my very obsessive son teaching me the finer points of tree falling. I did well and he was proud, that I did it right and that he had been the one to teach me. I learned to buck them up and the little ones loaded their load. Poppie got to get out, his arms hurt from his crutches that he had to use for another 2 months. When we got home he said, "It had always been upset me that you wouldn't let me go get wood alone, and now I am thankful you never let me, I would have died. I will never go without someone with me the rest of my life" I think that was his way of saying thank you for all we had done to save him that day. No he never will go alone.

 I cut down trees for almost three months before he was ready to cut his first one down again. He was so scared, more scared than I was the when I had cut down the first one I did. He succeeded with flying colors, cold sweat pouring down his face. He said, "I didn't know if I could, I almost didn't try. I am glad I did." He went on to the next with all the years experience showing in his cutting, but that one was probably the hardest thing he had ever done. I was so proud of him. We hauled 20 cord of wood that year, lots of the people in our community received free wood, he sold some too. He was back to the man he had always been, except the limp that took about a year to leave and the oddly shaped leg that had screws sticking out for about a year before they had to remove two, but he wouldn't let them take the bar as his leg had been so bad it really needed it for extra support. Oh, and as the doctor had said he had a little bit or a personality change from the skull fracture, he does anger a bit more quickly, but as he never angered really before, no one but me really sees it, Mokie (my youngest biological daughter) does a little. I think maybe that is a good thing in the long run of things.

The winter came in, no more trips to the woods, he was lamenting it when he happened to talk about his growing up on his grandfathers farm, about a quarter section of ground, that had once been a number of sections of land. He spoke of how that farm had made him safe, he loved the planting, harvesting and the animals... The sparks of Nannyland were born in that moment and soon we took our first step toward time.

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