Saturday, April 2, 2011

Girls go to their Grandparents for a visit. A relationship we worked hard to keep.

The girls were both babies when they were permanently in our household. Their biological parents were just divorced when we were given guardianship of them. We took over all their financial needs fully, as it should have been, we got to raise them the way we thought best and we took on their responsibility fully. Goofy and Matt, both in many ways walked out of their lives. Goofy tried to take care of them for awhile but eventually her lack of getting her life in control, her addictions and selfishness won out and they were left behind in her life. Matt had gone through a mental collapse that lasted a long time, he eventually got medication and returned to a stable life but he too had left them behind. He had been ordered in the divorce to pay child support for them but never had: when we took them into our home we wouldn't have taken his money, things had gone past that being appropriate. He had only ever asked to see Yogie once after they split and that was done under police supervision the day she and Goofy had gone to shelter. I am, in hindsight, of a mind, that they both were so wrapped up in their selves at the time they didn't care what happened to the girls. Matt actually told people Booboo was not his, including his girlfriend that he had a baby with when Booboo turned one. She left him as well, she hadn't know he was not divorced until only 11 days before she and he were to marry. He stalked her for a time, as he had done, with Goofy and Us. He also did not claim her baby when he was born. I believe he finally got help, truly after she left him.

We were left with family issues once the girls came into our home. You see, Son, is Matt's brother, he was disowned by his brother for supporting, Mokie, and continuing his relationship with us. He took a lot of grief from us, as we didn't trust him to not tell Matt things about our lives that Matt didn't have the right to know. He and Mokie got through all the rough times, got married and we learned how to include Son in our lives and love him. Their parents were also in a hard place, they loved both of their sons and their granddaughters, the relationship was hard but we didn't want the girls to loose their grandparents. I took Yogie and Booboo to see them when Booboo was two weeks old, they had not seen Yogie in 7 months and we made the first steps in a relationship that did not include the girls biologic parents, it was a tense visit but both their grandparents and us know it was the right thing to do. We have continued in that path to this day. some ups and some down. When we petitioned for adoption and served Matt with papers we did not tell Son until it was over we didn't want him to be in the middle. The Grandparents were mad when we adopted the girls, until they found out we had served Matt and he had not gone to court and had lost by default, they had to accept that we had given him a chance to fight for them but in the end he did not. We rebuilt and strengthened our relationship after that, after all Yogie, Booboo, Cubbie and Boy are actually double cousins by birth. By the way, Son is my girls uncle and Mokie is their sister, we of necessity have very odd relationships is this modern family.

We now have a wonderful relationship with the Grandparents, they come to dinner on holidays, we take them firewood and Grandpa gives us planting bed plants for our garden. A long developed but loving family relationship. Matt remarried and in the 2009 had a little girl, Only, she will quit possibly be the only child they have as it took them a long time to get her. Shortly after Only was born, Grandpa kind of put his foot down and encouraged Matt to try and make amends with Son, they started rebuilding their relationship and eventually all of us started a relationship with Matt, his wife, Kathy, and Only. It is a slow process but it is coming. He has respected that we are the girls parents and is letting us lead in the development of where he belongs in their lives at this point in time. Only, actually looks alot like Booboo. Matt and Kathy are kind of living with the Grandparents off and on right now as he has gotten a part time job where they live, about 13 miles from us. They are trying to move from Zoo town into their own place if they can find one.

Today the girls are visiting at the Grandparents, with Matt and Only, I don't know if Kathy will be there but she is sometimes. They will be helping Grandpa plant ponies for the up coming farmers market, this will be the third year they have gone to Saturday farmers markets with Grandpa, they start in May and do as many as they can until September. He sell plants and veggies, they sell pies and sourdough bread that they make, with mom's help. They made enough money last summer to buy their school clothes and have some extra. I had a friend asked me why they spend it on school clothes, I asked her why you would teach a child the ethics of working hard and not teach them how to use their money. I am not sure she got it but my girls do. They enjoy the feeling of buying things they worked hard to earn. Last night the girls were gone, Poppie and I had a date night I think, does a movie and take out burgers count?.......tomorrow.

1 comment:

  1. A movie and takeout burgers DEFINITELY counts! Our dates are usually NCIS and popcorn!


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