Sunday, December 29, 2013

Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do and do well, forgetting is another matter.

I have been working on forgiveness for sometime in my life and just when I think I have started to get it right I have to contemplate it all over again.  Oh, to have the forgiveness of God.  You know when he forgives he forgets.  He does not see the sins that we once did because God does not allow any thing connected with sin to inter into heaven and even the memory of a sin would be a sin.  Oh to have that kind of soul.

I find that being an artist I am the most hard on myself whether it is a line in a drawing that I don't like or a knitted stitch that isn't what it should be.  I am always hardest on myself.  I think that that might be something that is human nature, or maybe not, I don't really know.  I do know that forgiving myself it by far the hardest thing I will ever do.  I have learned to forgive people in general.  I have learned how to forgive people that don't asked for it, and maybe don't deserve it, but for my soul I have learned to forgive them long before they think I would.  I have learned to practice not being offended because it really is a choice you can either be offended or you aren't.  If you are, forgive, even if you were offended for just an instant forgive and get one with your life.  It gets rid of a lot of unwanted baggage.  I practice this kind of forgiveness daily and it has made me a happier person.  I struggle with the forgetting sometime.  I am not sure I am ever good at the forgetting, unfortunately. I know that God forgets, as does Jesus, so I should but I am of the flesh and continue to remember things I should have long ago tossed into the depths of the sea.  I find that as far as remembering I am hardest on myself and maybe my mom.  She is after all the second oldest relationship I have or maybe technically the third.  I would say God would be the first as he had to of thought of me and then he created me.  Then we are, or I was and maybe knew it in the womb, but I don't know, but for sure the next is our mom's.   She after all carries us to birth and is our first knowledge of not self we experience.  I think there is always something special between a child and it's mother that even a father never knows.

I think the bond can be cut, but never forgotten as you were once a part of your mother and somewhere down deep inside you never forget that in your soul.  I think a mother sorrows for that loss on levels that are truly unexplainable.  A mother feels the loss much like I would imagine how it must feel when a spouse dies and their your flesh's oneness is ripped asunder.  Do you ever think of the physical pain that must cause to the one who still lives in this world, it is so unimagined that you don't think of it when you try and comfort the half of the flesh that must go on alone.  I am not sure a mother and child are exactly the same but somewhere close they must be for at least those nine months.  I know a marriage of one flesh is a life time but I have digressed.....  Let's just say mothers have a bond that is like no other we know outside of the two as one flesh.

I, as a mother, look back on my life and some of the forgiveness I can't seem to quite give myself is the things I have done, or I perceive to have done to my child, as we have lived our lives.  Does anyone ever condemn your raising of your child as much as you do?  Well maybe the child your raised does?  I think that a mothers forgiveness of herself is a life long goal to accomplish and maybe the forgiveness of ones mothers is also a live long journey.  I know that forgiving your mother or being forgiving by your child are forgiveness's that  are rarely forgotten because of the nature of the beast.  You are who your are because of your childhood, then your choices in life. Really, think about it, if your mother had not raised you the way you were raised would you even be the you you are today?  Your adulthood can be spent in total unforgiveness, working to forget or over come or building on the child she helped create..... imagine that and there is the crux of it all.  To forgive and forget is truly divine and all we can hope to be is only the shadow of Jesus, as none of us will ever obtain his perfection, so we work on to the best we can be and in the end we are just all that we could attain....... I pray you obtain all that Jesus has to offer ....tomorrow.

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