Friday, March 25, 2011

Large families are so much more complicated than little ones, do you want mine?

By the nature of the beast large families are a different creature than the average two child family. You share your mother and father what seems like to the tenth degree with every knew child. There are times I describe my status in my family as being replaced each time, I have been replaced 11 times, it seems, sometimes. I am not sure that is always the case in all the large families but it is in mine. I am not sure that my parents would see it that way but it does to me. My parents are also not huggy or kissy people, or for that matter, people that ever use the term I love you alot. They do love but in a quieter way I suppose. I know that every child has a unique relationship with their parents and I was not different in my family.

My father having come from a family of eight children. His mother the youngest of 11 siblings, that got 7 step siblings after her mothers death when she was 6 months old, and then later her father remarried again ,someone 6 months younger than her, and had 4 more children. His father one of four, all 8 years apart in age. I have said before my mom had one sibling. I think my father knows a great deal about big families and did well living in one. My mother learned along the way and in more ways than one stopped growing when she was 24 when her mother died. I am one of 38 first cousins, I have 26 nieces and nephews, and 8 great nieces and nephews, so far. One large family anyway you state it. It was common a hundred years ago every one had one. I think my family is a great deal like a hundred years ago as well. We are dysfunctional and most of us don't actually want to live anywhere near one another, long term, or at least near some of them. I think they had it right in the "breakfast club" if we weren't dysfunctional no one would ever leave home and we would live with our parents forever.

I think that in many ways my parents gave us great bases for life, hard work ethic, we can all clean, cook, knit, crochet, quilt, can, etc.... and that includes both girls and boys. What they didn't know was how to take care of money, and we all had to learn or not learn on our own. They had no concept or helping your children out in life, college was of no importance, actually most of us help them survive now. They never knew about nest eggs and rainy days. Some of us kids are good at it, some of us just survive. We all love our spouses to no end. We are always on their side, even if it is the wrong side, a generational family trait, I think one of our best qualities. We have had almost no divorces in any generations of our family, we were taught to work it out, and no therapy needed. I guess in a family this size just talking to the ones you are allies with is therapy.

I do not joke about the allies. In a family this big it is not possible to get along with all of them, or want to in many ways. Can you imagine having to deal with your sibling 11 times over and always be on the same page, not. My mother has her favorites and that is reality. The ones less favorite are general the ones she can't get something from, money, work, or things. My father is always the same, he learned along time ago he couldn't change my mother so he just lets her be, sometime it is easier to be confused with old age. Some people think he actually is, but I don't think so, I have seen him in there and the spark in his eye is ever the same. I do love all of my siblings, my children, my mother, and adore my father, but I don't actually like some of them, that is not an easily determined thing to say, I have tried to the detriment of my health to like them all but sometimes people are just not meant to be in your life. I take them as they come now, go to family events that I can, talk and share my life with the ones I can. I didn't choose my position, or family in this life, God did and I just try to do the best I can with what he gave me. ..... Tomorrow

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