Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Yogie has had a hard beginning but is a strong little trooper now.

Yogie was 8 months and one week old when Goofy and Matt, had their last fight as a couple. We had always watched her about 8 hours a day as they both worked so she was in our home daily all her life. Goofy would bring her in and say, 'I can't get her to quiet' and hand her to me, I would sing my Nannie song to her and she would snuggle down and go to sleep. We always had a strong bond. Shortly after they came to live with us Goofy and Yogie had to go to shelter in Zoo town, about 50 miles aways and were gone about two weeks. It was so hard to have them gone, we were so glad when they got to come home. When they returned Yogie was not the same.

She had always been a happy baby when we had her, but when she returned home she was now terrified of the vacuum, she would wake up at between 2 and 4 in the morning in a terror that took me hours to console her to get her to sleep. I called them her night terrors. I couldn't understand what was going on with her. The night terrors occurring would have been around the time that Matt would have come home from work, and I suspected that the fighting had become a pattern in their home, so it seemed reasonable that she would have some patterning of the events. I couldn't figure out why the vacuum was such a terror to her, and we never did, but I have a suspicion of what it could have been.

Goofy and Yogie moved in a girlfriend of Goofy's for about 4 months but returned to our house when Booboo was born. Goofy never bonded on any level with Booboo, she had wanted a boy and couldn't really hide her disappointment in Booboo. I was Booboo's momma in all ways that counted from the moment she was born, I didn't get to be her momma in name until she on her own started calling me momma. Yogie was always my concern as she was bonded with Goofy but Goofy treated her like a dolly. She took her down, once in awhile, to dress her up and show her off. She tried using her to catch men but we stopped her as soon as we became aware of it. Her terrors continued, and as Goofy was at work or gone, she was always my child to help when they came on. They would come and go for the next few years, they would seem to lessen then come back from nowhere. We worked on her issues with the vacuum as well. I bought her a toy vacuum that she finally warmed up to then a miniature adult one, she became a friend with her vacuums, and still is, but it was a lot of work.

By the time Yogie was 20 months and Booboo was nine months Goofy was really into the depths of her addiction to men and gambling with her friend. She wanted to take the girls 200 miles away to her girlfriends home for the weekend. We didn't want them to go but had no right to stop her. It was the hardest weekend of our lives. When they returned the girls were so glad to be home and we had a talk with Goofy, and put our foot down, she gave us guardianship and the girls never went with her again. Yogie was really escalated after the trip, she had daily terrors. Once Goofy had signed them over she really dropped out of their lives, and visited our home less and less. A pattern that continued as time went on until we eventually got to adopt them.  By the time the adoption had come around the terrors were almost all but gone, maybe one ever couple of months. Shortly after the adoption the terrors came back with a vengeance, I didn't know why but got to watching Yogie during the day. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until one day when Goofy was visiting she took Yogie off alone, something she had sort of always done, but this day it seemed to be odd to me. Yogie kept looking at me oddly, she was 5 by this time. Later that night Yogie, had a big terror, she seemed to know it was going to come on as just before she went to bed she came in and snuggled, a long time, with me in bed and actually fell asleep in my arms. Booboo always snuggled but Yogie only snuggles on her terms. She just seemed to need more cuddles, and yes, later she had a terror. I had finally put two and two together. I ask Mokie and Daughter if they knew what Goofy would say to Yogie, when she took her aside. They both weren't sure, but both felt, she would say to Yogie that she was her real mom and Nannie was just a fake mom. The only thing was Goofy didn't want to be a real mom so that left Yogie and I in a hard place. Shortly after this, 3 months, I had to call CPS, as I have said before. Once Goofy was totally out of the girls lives, the terror stopped over night. Not one since then. She did go through a short time of melt downs, and does seem to cycle into melt downs once in a while but she is much better now. Her biological dad is by-polar, and it runs in his family, so will have to watch her; but for now she is better.

The only thing I can determine from the experience and lots of studying on terrors, is that she may have had some form of PTS, I think that the time of the fighting may have started it but with time that seemed to lesson, but then Goofy started whispering things to her, that set her off again, all I know is that she didn't need the trauma and it was alot of hard work to help her get to the normal, happy, loving little soul she is now. ......She deserves her peace, she didn't cause the trouble between her biological parents she was just collateral damage..... she is happy now...  tomorrow.

1 comment:

  1. Makes me so sad that the terrors ever happened. It's good that Goofy gave up her rights and allowed you to take care of the littles. I hope that the whispering in the ear has ceased...


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