Monday, October 8, 2012

Wooding, Church, Bug and lessons for a little sister.

We had a nice day at Church, we were late as the car didn't not want to start until Poppie cleaned the battery cable.  We stopped by Bugs to pick him up but nothing stirred at this house.  Poppie thought maybe he had walked over and to our surprise he had.  It was so wonderful to see that he had gone on ahead not dependent upon us being there such a good thing for him in his life.  His life had been so bi-polar for years.  Not meaning that he is bi-polar but it has had such highs and such lows that has brought such sorrow and joy that I would think that it would be hard for anyone to endure the scope of his life over that last fifteen years and be able to go on.  He has battled being in jail, having drug problems, illegal and then prescription, depression, marriage, divorce, the adoption of his much adored children, foster care from both sides and the list goes on.  There have been times I was so ashamed, so afraid for him, so proud of him and so sorrowful at his apparent non acceptance of salvation in the Lord.  I can say I have always loved him but there have been times I just wasn't sure I liked him or wanted to be around him.  I suppose he was at the rock bottom in the last year.  It finally came to a head when people who supposedly loved him framed him for something he didn't do to "teach" him a lesson.  He finally began to see that he loved in the wrong place and it has taken him a year of torture to get it from his head to his heart.  He has not been nice to many people in his life in the last few years much of the time encouraged by bad people using him for their purposes.  He is a smart young man but the heart can cloud you to reality and use you against yourself.  I am not excusing him for the bad things that he has done to so many people that did not deserve his anger and he has now come to realize it but has no idea how to fix some of the wrongs he had perpetrated on some people who didn't deserve his wrath.  He has always had so many good qualities that were hidden to so many and so many people just didn't get what I saw in him, I know a mother always loves but he is his fathers son and some where way down deep he wants to be the man he can be. 

He has been working hard for the last few months to begin again.  So many people have given up on him and it may take him a life time to make up for some of the wrongs he has committed but that he is trying, in a meaningful way, is the only thing he can do.  He is getting his life right with God, he is trying to get his fines paid up and all that type of things fixed in his life.  He is trying to over come the anger that the last years have brought him to,  he is making great strides in therapy, he has actively done AA and NA of his own accord, he is clean and has been for awhile.  He is actively working on rebuilding his life with his kids and finishing his divorce.  He is working on getting a job that can be worked around all the commitments to getting his kids back.  Maybe an apprenticeship which would be such a wonderful thing for them all.  He, by no means, is perfect but that he is actively working on becoming the man that I know he can be is heartwarming and only time will tell but with God him who can succeed against him.

We went and got wood after Church yesterday, about 3 cords.  We didn't get home until well after dark about 8.  The girls helped out but at first Booboo was grudging about having to work and stomped off, in doing so she came to close to the chain saw that Bug was wielding.  He was not happy and yelled at her. I went down to talk to him and he said "when I was little you would have spanked me for that"  I said "yes, some of the time I would have but sometimes I would have not, it would have depended on whether he had been mad at me when he did it"  He conceded that that was true, and that he would have disobeyed in anger and that she hadn't.  I talked with Booboo about what she had done and that she owed her brother an apology for her behavior.  She eventually told him she was sorry.  She told me later that I was aright that he had yelled at her because she had scared him and that he was worried about her safety.  I was glad for both of them, they both learned something about one another.  She that he loved her and cared about her even if he yelled when he told her so.  He that he could care about a child and not have to be angry to get his point across that anger management did make sense in the greater scope of life.  Being anger was not that healthy and life has so much more to give when you let the anger go and live without it.  I think the Lord is working hard in his life and that is such a blessing that has been a long time coming.  The Lord responds to our needs, all we have to do is to step forward to him and ask him to.... tomorrow.

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