Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Mokie is in her last year of her twenties, how time does fly.......

Today my last birthed child turns 29 she is in her last year of her twenties.  I pray she has a lovely year as she is a lovely person and deserves nothing less.  I sit and think on the day of her birth and it is as if it were but yesterday.  I so wanted a sister for my Goofy and the Lord blessed me with one.  I had hoped they would be as close as me and my Sister have become but alas it is not that way, though Sister and I didn't get there until I was 29 and she 26 so maybe there is something to hope for in that.  I won't say that Mokie is my best friend because she isn't.  I have several that are before her, Poppie, Lady and Twin ( I put them together as they are and have been there is times when my soul needed something no one else could give me and they were a comfort), Belle and Vegas are both newer in my life but are of my closest life time friends, so no Mokie is not my best friend but she is my best friend on a daily bases in many way.  She is so like me and I see the need for her to grow as God made me grow as I aged.  I am hoping she will allow him to guide her life as I have tried to let him guide mine, I see her struggling against him as I did in my youth and I pray that she see her turmoil is of her own making and succumbs to his calling to her soul soon.  I sought salvation at a younger age than she but I am not sure that the carnality that some Christian's, as I did, accounts to our rewards as true discipleship does. I have become the disciple of God I know she is not in this stage of her life, and I want that for her but my wanting can not make that appear in her life, but maybe my continued "nagging" as she calls it will someday hit the right chord and she will seek him as he calls her name.

I love all my children but I know that they would not all say that I do.  I do know that love is something that can not be weighed or measured and love is not always about saying what someone wants to hear and loving does not mean you have to give in to their wants over the needs of others.  I don't always and haven't always liked my children, but then I could say the same of Poppie or myself and yes, even God, to be honest.  But love is not liking and so many people never get that, they think it is a candy coated pill, as a child does, but in the real world love can be harsh when it needs be.  Of all my adult children Mokie has been the one that never caused me an ounce of heart ache, that in and of itself is special.  Oh I am not saying she hasn't been mad at me, and mad a plenty, but she has chosen to never really fight with me, she choices to continue to talk with me and we somehow talk it through and work it out.  She never takes my stern resolve as an offense or my disagreeing with her or my flat out yelling at her when she is in need of yelling as a personal affront to her.  Yes, my youngest child is as black and white as it comes and sometimes the grey just needs yelled into her, but she is always satisfied with what is, or the best I could do for her, or give her, or be for her.  She is so much better than me in ways and so much in need of growing in others.  She does not read my blog so alas she will not hear these words from me for an unforeseen long time or maybe never but I don't think she needs to hear them to know how I feel about her.  She is my best friend on that special level. 

Today I say happiest birthday to my beautiful daughter, I know you enjoy your life, a life that others might not find good enough for them, but you find joy in your simple existence and that is something some many of us must seek our whole lives to find.  I love you and would be the lesser if I had not you in my life... I love you..... tomorrow.

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