Sunday, February 17, 2013

Church, wreck, a scare and the message.....

Church was nice today, but then Church is always nice that is why I go if it was not I am too old to subject myself to the agony I once endured.  Years ago at Church we would go and my mom would set on one side of the isle hating the woman across from her and the woman across from her hating her, all knew it all endured it and all ignored it. Well, accept I am sure for God. I don't think that God wants that in his house.  I am happy at Church and have realized that as I have aged that all have problems and most of those problems are none of our business unless the person with the problem asks for your assistance.  We are to love our brothers, our neighbors, but not impose upon their lives or have them impose upon ours.  Our lives are our own and Gods.   I digress, anyway I had a great time at Church. I like to think that the Lord speaks to me every Sunday so I await on bated breath what it is he has to say to me.  He spoke through the Preacher in a contemplative manner to me today.  This is the second week the Niece, Great Niecy and Great Nephew have come.  Great Nephew is funny he always wants to set by his cousins, the girls love him and gladly make room for him, I am not sure whether he likes the cousins or saying cousins more. 

The Preacher advised us that Belle's family were in a car wreck but all are well.  Belle's Groom had a scare as well they thought he was having another stroke but it was a migraine, which can lead to a stroke so he is at home mending and in need of prayer.  The whole family surely has the prayers of one and all.  Bug is supposed to be going away to a new job,  it is an exciting adventure for him and I hope all goes well for him.  He has been so renewed in the last six months, more like the child I raised and more a whole person, he is himself on every level for the first time in years.  It is nice to be over and past the problem, and problems, that got you where you are, God willing he is on to his new improved adult life. 

The message was inspired from God so I always look to see what God has to say to me,  today he was talking about our strengths being our greatest weakness in our pathway to God.  Our weaknesses become our greatest path toward God. I recalled that as a child my mother had a few odd things she did when she was mad at my dad, she would smoke, because it made him mad, she would sometimes get in the car with or without us kids and he would try stop her as she raced away but those were both extremes.  One of the things she liked to say just to be mean when she was mad was the "whites" always had to be right.  My maiden name was White.  My mom always accused my dad of having to be right.  I am not sure I really believed it when I was little or not, because from the outside looking in my dad didn't get to be right all that much, my mom liked to be all the time.  I always saw the sorrow it caused my dad, now unfortunately my dad never gets to be right, but again I digress.   I have said before the older you are in my family the more like my dad you are, but no one is a copy of only one of their parents they are a combo of the two or maybe nothing like either.  I do like to be right, Poppie says it is because I am most of the time,  he is so nice.   He has never once said it to me as an insult.  I know that we see in others the things we hate the most in ourselves.  I am thinking maybe that is why my mom said it, I can only hope it was.  But I think that in the long run, if it was, her hated fear is eating her alive.  I tend to be touchy about people saying I have to be right, you know I am a White after all. I pray a lot about it, mostly that I only like to be right if I am and that right isn't what it is about in the end anyway. 

I think the the message was talking to me and it takes me awhile to digest what it is that the Lord wants of me.  Is it that I am a White and I shouldn't be proud and think I am right all the time?  Is it that God is telling me that I am not the victim or the victimizer that sometimes my parents relationship can be?  Is it that my strength is my biggest weakness and that to truly be humble I have to learn to be right or wrong but do it with grace and not need for that to be a sum of any problem.  Right is the solution but why should anyone care how the sum was obtained.  Should strengths be quiet and non assuming as to be a weakness?  Can I embrace my weakness?  if so what is it?  Can I let others lead and follow?  Can I not feel an ever pressing need to give more than is asked?  I don't mean in money.  Can I when asked to bring to a potluck not have to bring more than normal just because I was taught to over do?  Can I only make one hundred items and not feel an overbearing need to make at least twice that?  Is excess my weakness?  Is strength my weakness?  Is fear of not being good enough?  Is knowing that I am a rolling stone and never quite grew the right roots?  Is not knowing how to just be comfortable being me and thinking maybe some one likes me just the way I am? That they don't want something from me, they don't expect me to do something for them, they don't need me to change or conform they really just like my company and me?  I think I will try to figure out my weakness and my strength and maybe not just assume I already know.  You do know what happens when you assume.  I do...... tomorrow.

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