Demonstration prep, friendships making, and don't thinks ever change, well maybe old ladies do.....sometimes.

My Ladies have been working on their demonstration for 4-H.  We had not really been on it like we should or maybe as we are really new to 4-H, with no background in it, we have no concept of how to do it in the first place so drug our feet.  Belle called my a while back and said her family would love to be guinea pigs for the girls if they needed an audience.  I think that is when it really dawned on me the day of giving the demonstration was soon at hand.  We had decided before she called on a subject and that the Ladies would do theirs together.  I know that it is felt that the demonstration should be a subject in conjunction with the project you are doing in 4-H but we couldn't actually think of one we felt comfortable with so in the end we went with something they are comfortable with.  They are doing their demonstration on their Farmer's Market business.  I had been having them type bio's on the computer,  they hone their typing skills, something they love to do as it is a new fun thing, and they get comfortable with thinking about the thoughts for their intros.  I didn't tell them they wouldn't be using them as I won't let them write down notes or cards to read from, because according to the 4-H rules on demonstration judging reading it can take points away.  Last night we in an impromptu format began their speaking parts of their demonstrations.  I think all the memory verses and singing done in front of the congregation, the nursing home and the assisted living have given them confidence in being in front of an audience.  Something they have received as a benefit and they didn't even know it.  They are getting a good grasp of what they want to say, in an easy format, they can actually say whatever they want and each time they practice it it is new.  They amazingly interject humor that a written card would not afford them.  Tonight we will finish up their posters and they should be ready for their demonstrations bright and early tomorrow.

I am the oldest of the oldest daughter of the oldest daughter that goes back numerous generations. I have had the unusually privilege of being the mother of two separate oldest daughters.  I have watched and seen the suffering of both as they try to grow and become.  The first time around I was much more a self absorbed person and maybe wasn't as supportive and helpful guiding my daughter through the pitfalls of making friendships.  I moved around so much as a child that I never quite learned how to make friendships.  Well that is not true I have really good friendships and have had several in my life time.  I am not good at making lots of friendships, there is a difference.  I am a needy possessive person so I attach to the friends I have and can be overbearing.  I get jealous of their other friendships and my feeling get hurt, well maybe those are attributes that I have overcome to some extent but it was a life time of work to be able to say that.  I have learned how to let go and let my friends be without getting my feelings hurt but it was not something I was taught I had to learn it the hard way.  I am my mothers daughter in that I think.  My mother has always had very few friends.  Once as a child I told her in a moment of meanness that I was not going to be like that as an adult, but alas as an adult I struggled with the same problem.  I have learned that I do love my friends and cherish them, I still don't have a lot of them but that ones I have are very special to me and they let me be me and love me because I am me.  I don't have to change to have them, and don't have to caterer to them for them to love me.  They are real and accept me for the real me.  I digress.  My oldest daughter struggled as a child to make good friendships, she so wanted one and in the end she became a door mat to the people who "allowed" her to be their friend.  I was not able to help her have self worth and teacher her her value.  I failed my child and I will forever regret my failure. 

I, by the grace of God, was given a second family, my two Ladies.  I am now a more together person but in so many ways things don't change.  The same worldly temptations, me first, squabbling world of grade school still exists. I am not better at learning how to teach what I didn't get from all the moving.  I have two lovely Ladies that are being raise at best out of step with modern times.  I am old in my ways and my faith doesn't allow for me to change to being more accepting of the pitfalls of todays society.  I never allow my child to wonder the streets, well if I could stop it,   I made many mistakes wit the older ones and spent a time in a clinical depression that allowed me to step out of my life so my children lost at that time.  I will never go back to that and my Ladies are the better for it, as our my grands.  I am in their lives and help them navigate it but alas I still don't want them wandering about downtown.  They don't get to do a lot of the thing the kids their age get to do.  Yogie is a lot like Goofy, mom and I.  She so wants that special friendship but is not quite sure how to get one.  She is sad a lot because she gets picked on. I try to help her have self worth, and I think she has it but sometimes she gets angry and puts people off or maybe just grates.  I am not saddened by her ability to stand up for herself in ways Goofy couldn't or didn't know how to.  Yogie is more like I was, so is consider a little odd by some of her classmates, but does stand up for herself when she needs to.  She is also a little mouthy, hmmm wonder where she gets that?  I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree even if it is a grafted apple.....  I don't know how to fix it and maybe the key is that I should fix it, I should just be there to be her support and bolster the successes she makes..... tomorrow.