Monday, August 6, 2012

Adoption, part of my family nearly all of my life, God sends us the kids he wants us to have.

I have said before that I am the oldest of 12.  I am but I was mostly raise as the oldest of 8.  I have one brother that died when I was 14 months.  He was the twin to my brother Silver, funny how most of my life I called him "Silver's Twin" it took me well into adulthood to realize he was my brother as much as he was "Silver's twin".  I think in many ways his death was one of the reasons my mom stopped aging mentally when her mother died.  She is the same 24 year old, in many ways, that she was the day her mother died.  That is my opinion and may not be embraced by  others but I know my mom quite well.  It doesn't make her a bad person, per se, it just makes her a person that is 24 and that is an age I would not visit again.  I digress.  We adopted my brother, Little Brother is 1965, I remember the day we went and picked him up like it was yesterday, he had a pacifier and my mom was having none of that, we bought one at the next town we came to, he did indeed need it.  He was three weeks old when we got him.  He is and has always been my brother in every way my other two living brothers are.  Funny when people would find out we had an adopted child they always guess the wrong one of us.  We didn't treat him any different than any of the rest of us kids.  Adoption back then was very rare.  We weren't people who adopted a child because it was our Christian duty, we loved him and wanted another child in our lives.  I, to this day, don't understand when people of wealth adopt out of charity, Christian duty or for what ever reasons that people who don't want children do it.  I do know that I having experienced that moment of becoming a mother, a miraculous moment when something inside of you changes the second that baby is placed in your arms.  I know some adopted mother who have that, they are special people.  I also have known adoptive mothers who have not a clue of what that moment is.  I feel deep sadness for the adoptive children who are the result of adoptions for the "right" reasons or that it is a duty.  So sadly many of them end up in therapy, jail or are walking mental time bombs awaiting their moment to detonate.  I know very little about that type of adoption and pray for the ones who have to or have had to endure such sorrow. 

I know only of the joys of adoption.  I have 3 additional sisters, they are 9 months older than Yogie,  they are loved by my parents to distraction and in many ways at the expense of their grandchildren.  You truly only have so much time to give to others and the triplets take up all of the time my parents have. My dad is 75 this year and mom is 70, a full time work for them, so understandable they have no more time to give.  It is sad for the grands but it is a joy in the triplets lives and my parents and in the end they have a wonderful life.  So, it must be God's will for them. 

I was raised that all your kids come from God no matter how they arrive in your life.  I am fortunate enough to have been given 5 children.  I always wanted 4 and Poppie wanted 2, we compromised and had 3, it was very important for me that my girls had a sister, having had 7 of my own.  I think that sisters have a relationship that is invaluable and one of the most special lifetime relationships anyone could have.  I got my two girls and I was ok not to have the fourth child of my dreams.  My son still whines about not having brother, we did give him a foster brother better but not all that he wanted.  I raised my kids and was into my post children era when lives path gave us the Ladies.  They came to us from God, and that is the truth of it.  Their biological parents were in a place where they didn't have their lives together enough to raise them.  They both in their own way gave us the girls of their own free will.  They to this day have a relationships with the girls but the reality is the the Ladies do not for a moment remember Poppie and I not being their parents.  They are the children of our hearts, from God, and for the purposes of others they have our names on their birth certificates.  They are our children as much as any other adopted child has the right to their parents.

Recently some one I have known, well actually a couple of people I know, was surprised that they were my daughters, took me by surprise as they have been my daughters for 9 years this year.  The adoptions took a little while longer but they have lived solely with Poppie and I for just short of 9 years.  I explained to one yes, my name was on their birth records and unlike my 9 grandkids, they live with me all the time.  It was a funny incident but not a problem.  The other friend probably  knows they are mine but just choose to call them my grandkids, bugs my girls but they got over it.  We understand the people like this and just go on, they have busy lives and our problems mean nothing to them so no big deal.

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