Monday, December 3, 2012

Babies bring out the best in people and the crazy in others...

I don't know about you, but I do know about me, no matter how old my child gets somewhere that child will always be that infant someone drop in my arms seconds after emerging from my body.  I cared for that child for nine months in my womb, I made a choice apparently to not murder it, which our society now screams that is every woman's choice.  Oh, to be in the day and age when the choice was not even considered, not thought of and not acted upon, but I digress.  That child was mine the second I knew it existed and I have been somewhat a mother bear to any and all of my children ever since.  A child need not come from your body to hold your heart, I am blessed to have daughters who grew in my heart and not in my body, I have grandchildren who grew in my heart and not on my tree as well.  Some people make the mistake of saying well they are not your "real" children or grand children, what makes a child not real?  I have never figured out how a child can be a fake child, I guess, well isn't fake the opposite of real?  I think that some people assume that your love of your child lessens as they age, it doesn't, they need you less in ways but they need you more in others.  Having a child is truly a lifetime commitment.  Your child will always be the baby of your heart, in some realm you will always see your child as that infant.  That doesn't mean you can't, and shouldn't, see them clearly as the people you train up and as the adults they become; but somewhere a mother's love for that ugly wrinkled squirming mass of crying, hungry baby is the most beautiful bundle of joy they have ever seen and they will do anything for it with in their power, for all time.  Some of us are blessed with more than one, some never are blessed physically but that doesn't mean you can't become blessed by reaching out and making a choice to choose a child to be part of your life, but then you would already be one of the blessed as God chooses the children we get and he delivers them in his way and time....

It is ironic that sometimes the person most wanting of children, of their own, are among the most clueless as to what a child truly needs.  I find that some of those people who "love" kids so much really haven't any true patience for them, and no real long suffering real love of children. They will tell you how wrong you are doing it, how wondrous their approach would be, that they have it all figured out, unlike you, and quite often they have huge disdain for your inept fumblings, well as they see it.  I think that they are among the first to tell you that you should be able to decide all for your child, they will shout from the street corner, "a parent gets to raise their child as they see fit" but then criticizes all the techniques you have, isn't that an oxymoron?  They voice their support of your parenting and then go about correcting your wrongs.  Generally, they support your right to raise your baby, as they can foresee the day they want that for themselves, but in reality once that little baby takes a step into it's independence they have opinions on how you are not correcting your child right. They think since you aren't doing it right that they can just to take over and do it themselves, big mistake.  The reality is they still don't have the right to correct your child, or over ride your child's development anymore than when they were supporting your right to do as you wanted with your infant.  They just feel more strongly that you are doing it wrong and see that little person as someone they have more right to "correct" than the infant. They can now more easily separate your presence from your child, in ways they couldn't separate the infant when it was in your arms.  Now, they see the child separately and take it upon themselves to fix your mistakes, still wrong and still inappropriate.  They seem to do it to the children, they think, have less caring or attentive parents,  they apparently can do it better, the child's parent just doesn't love that child like they do, wrong.  I am climbing down now but I do so dislike the unlearned, inexperienced, book taught overbearing people who want to fix my obviously ill thought parenting techniques, and hate when I see someone else doing it to young mothers, especially the scared first time mom that has fears in themselves.  Victimizing a young mother is almost as bad as truly abusing someone.  The "well meaning" friend needs to get over themselves and get a life, of their own; but maybe that is why God chooses to let some people not have a child to raise. He only allows them to get to critic someone else's short comings, God, in his all knowing, knows that that child wouldn't have a momma grizzly to buffer them from  "that well meaning child loving childless wannabee mom"..... tomorrow.

 

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