Adults need their Moms, Do you have a favorite child? Should you?

My Mom likes to say that her adult children don't need her so she doesn't need them.  I think she has arrived at this place in her life only since she has gotten the triplets and no longer has the time physically of mentally to share with all of her children, or maybe it is why she got the triplets at 59.  I can understand the complications of having adult children and babies or small children at the same time, as I do;  but have come to a total different feeling for all of my children.  I rarely talk about the triplets, they can be very lovely little girls in their own right, but as a family, all generations, have given up so much as a result of their adopted. Their arrival totally spiraled the family into complete dysfuntionality.  Maybe the grasp for youth was the beginning of the end of my mom's mental stability, I don't know.  I often seek to understand my mom but she isn't understandable in the end.  She is not mentally the woman she once was, age? mental deterioration? I don't know and have decided to no longer loses sleep wondering or seeking the answer it has been 10 years after all. I need her but she no longer needs me, her own conclusion.

Sister said to me this week something that plays in my mind over and over.  That you have a connection with your oldest child you never have again or with your other children.  She said "you become a mom with that child a feeling you never get quite the same again."  I know exactly what she means, and it has nothing to do with loving that child or your other children, it just is.  For me and I would suspect it is similar for all woman or atleast all I have had this conversation with.  It is a moment of Epiphany, they place that baby in your arms and you are a mother, your emotions swell and it is indescribable.  You are just a mother.  You have more children but as you are already a mother the feeling is not the same again, only in that one moment when you became one does it come. You have that moment in time with that child, no matter how your relationship evolves with that child, good or bad, that moment remains.  You have new moments of loving each child individually and for the first time but those moments are different than becoming a mom, once you are one you don't unbecome one to do it again for the first time. It is a once in a lifetime experience.  I think it can be like becoming a wife, for some, as I only did that once in my life time but it is different, but both a once in a lifetime experience.  I also think that having a favorite child is part of having a real relationships with your children.  I have moments with all of my children where they are my favorite.  They are all my favorite as each relationship is different and they are all my favorite in that relationship.  They are never all my favorite at the same time but all my favorite part of the time. Loving a child, yours or not, is always a special and different relationship you have with one person, a special and once in a life time relationship, or it should be.

I need my children, adult or not, I really can't imagine not needing your children and would be saddened to come to that place in my life where I didn't. I take joy in my memories of them as children and take pride in them as adults.  They all have lives of their own, places to go and children to raise but the joy of seeing them as strong independent people is soul warming.  I believe that a child should need you less ever day starting on the first day of their lives, but by the time they are adults they should want you, if not need, you in their lives. I don't need my mother, that is true, but do miss and want her in my life, now if only she could feel that in return. How sad.  She is the lesser for not wanting me or my family in her life. 

Goofy rolled over at 11 days, Bug was four months and Mokie two months. Goofy and Bug crawled at 6 months, Mokie never crawled she sat and scooted on her bum, so funny.  Yogie only bother to crawl at 8 months so she could stand up next to the couch and walk along it, walked alone a 9 1/2 months.  Booboo crawled at 8 months but didn't bother to walk until she was weeks past her 1st birthday, she didn't have anywhere to go apparently..... tomorrow.